For more than two weeks now, i have featured a particular CD on my player. I compiled this one straight from the Internet and it has musical greats like Phil Colin's,Mike and the Mechanics and of course Teddy pendergrass. This is meant to tell you what kind of music to get me for a birthday or something for that matter and my birthday is not coming up anytime soon,mine happens to occur when the Christmas haste is yet to fizzle out.If you rush to me with Banjuka then you are as good as a lemon or toast if you like.
The most difficult part of blogging is to settle on a pickup paragraph to accentuate the real story and even harder is for me to decide on telling you what i would like for a birthday gift and worse still, the music i have been listening to. But its not really about the music,its how authentic we men can become in what we want.Most of this things we pretend to like have been here before some of us even new how to clear our noses but here we are pretending to be so elite and informed that we can now afford to state what we want but left on our own we have nothing for others to take from us,we are just snitches who caboodle for the show part of it.Its even worse we are Kenyans.
Firstly a grapevine is an unofficial news source,normally with a tinge of truth within itslef.It is very rare of me to blog on this day but it is because i have found myself with lots of free time and an urgent email to do. The mailing list has also had to change because i noticed i have lost my readership.How mean can you guys be,not a comment from you folks. Its one thing to write and indeed another to know someone read what you wrote and tried to reason with you. But wait a moment, i am not by any means trying to railroad you folks to read,am trying to make the best of my foolish but humorous side of life.I can't pretend to be a renown writer or something like that,coz we have many more before and after ourselves.Towards that end, i want to seek your attention in matters regarding stereotypes. So much has been said f us as individuals and as ethnic blocks.So today that informs my choice to delve into this stereotype thingy. I won't be able to finish them all but i will poke at one or two.
You have heard about this and that grouping of people being said to believe in in this or that myth.But many a times the opposite is true.What is said of that group is not necessarily true,its normally cheap pub street or idle gossip and that's it.But its very easy to gainsay the effect of some of this falsehoods peddled around,indeed they have influenced many a decision we make in our daily lives and probably to our own detriments.Take for instance my tribes men who are said to be night runners!Which woman would want to date a bloke whose clansmen are night runners? You guess clicks with mine,none.But since the last time i checked my mother sleeps from dusk to dawn and in some instances she oversleeps.I have heard some silly and frivolous decisions taken by our sisters from elsewhere in this land to the effect that they can't marry blokes from our clan simply because of the said myth about night running.Then one question begs if the guy you are marrying or dating is a night runner?
But not all of this are false by the way, how else would you explain the large number of my tribesmen marrying from yonder in Taita hills. The reasons are compounded by some of this stereotypes. For instance in our clan still,it is said that if your mother in law for some unknown reason showed up at your place and sneaked into your bedroom and relieved the contents of her rumens on your bed then that marriage is as good as dead and you will probably never find a steady man or marriage in your life and this is the reason most men from my area have shunned visitations from their mothers.They prefer to visit the parents upcountry and that ends there.For some reason if they don't find their son's choice of wife palatable,they deliberately take that action.To some extent i can confirm this to be true given the fact that i have seen living examples.I will hasten to add that this ain't meant to scare you in any way or manner but just so you know.In fact the men from our clan are rumoured to be the best in all facets of life except of course public relations.Otherwise horizontally,physically geographically they are fit as a fiddle can be.
Then we have our cousins from the central. This is one group that has everything going for them except horizontally.Let me expeditiously exhaust gender m from central Kenya.Firstly the grapevine has it that in whichever capacity they must keep a mistress or a concubine at the very least.It is also said that they rate poorly in matters horizontal,they are poor dancers and that slightly over three quarters of their thought process is mired in matters financial.Then of course the drill goes on about their dressing which to me is rubbish basically.Flip over to gender F from central Kenya. They too like their brothers rate poorly in matters horizontal but this has yet to be proved given their propensity to lie in that position first.In fact one crude blogger questioned why it is majority of them that work as CSWs.It is an embarrassing thing to think of them that way given that i have many lady friends from that part.I personally dismiss it as a matter of making personal choices and making the best of them.It is also said of them have high affinity for matters financial which is a good thing if you ask me,in fact it annoying that their cousins from clan are doughnuts when it comes to looking for their own dime and never mind they just discovered the biker,yes that undergarment that replaced the petticoat.You make the terrible but regrettable mistake of dating anyone of them and the first present she might desire from you is a biker.
A peep back to the lady cousins from central Kenya also reveals another confounding false but seemingly true stereotype.The grapevine alleges that it is categorical and mandatory for the lady cousins from Central Kenya to go horizontal with their fathers before and in marriage. Apparently this is aimed at blessing the marriage.I have to cases in mind and i will share.The first one is a former nominated MP who is rumoured to have been doing this with her father over and over until her mother couldn't handle it and she committed suicide.The former MP is a fly woman with all the looks that might make a Nigerian transfer his property to her name.I wont give much detail for very obvious reason but if you are lucky enough to meet me i can share the story.Another living example is told by another living example a former MP from a distant constituency in my area of origin.While he was a departmental head at the University of Nairobi,he together with a brother of mine went to pick his date only for the date to decline because her mother was not home and that she was taking care of daddy.Offers to pick her up later were flatly declined even though the dad was not sick,as it were it later emerged she was pregnant of her dads input horizontally. The last one is told of this man i happen to know that dint understand why his father in law kept visiting at very odd days and hours during the day.The wife could also rush home at this odd hours and as fate could make it happen,he caught them in the act.The wife confessed it was ritualistic.What would you have done?
All this are stereotypes and some are amazingly true but equally shocking.So today i have given you a sample from two Bantu groupings that are more or less alternating in mannerisms and somewhat close.As usual,i will save the other forty or so tribes or is it stereotypes for another day.Am tired for now and this is the beauty of story telling,you can stop it anywhere of course in the name of suspense a very strong tool in drama am told.Catch you another day! kindly Ignore the errors herein!
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Friday, October 09, 2009
Of Polygamy,Parenting & Being Wise !
Before anything, kindly find out what it means to have parochial interests! After that i must admit that this is one of my posts and indeed elsewhere that i have had a difficult time to settle on a title. This is so partly because i have something akin to a personal interest or personal dimension to the post am about to make. We men are a funny lot,i say funny coz when to it comes to matters of the heart,who happiest moments are indeed the weakest.We tend to make some decisions that might seem to have been made using our feet rather than our brains.I say so because,while a man got to be a man and nothing else it really leaves a lot more desired.Apparently we are all naturally capricious in our decision or thought process.
Allow me to give you few events and personalities that i know a thing or two about.Am not really a bible person but at least i was till sometimes fourteen or so years ago when for some unknown reason i started fucking up myself as far morals are concerned.From the bible i know loosely that God loves children God has this thing about born and unborn children.Wait,don't think of abortion yet,what am about to narrate is in no way related to abortion at all.Actually i want to indulge your readership in marital issues.I normally find myself fumbling when it comes to this topic.Like i said, God loves children and i take it straight from there that we should do all in our efforts to ensure all the children have the best they could possibly get from us be it your kid and mine or anybody else' kid.In fact not long ago,when we were growing up,all kids belonged to the entire community,so each and every parent was responsible for every other kid irrespective of whose it was.Fast forward to nowadays nobody gives a damn hoot about kids.We have all become terribly selfish,self serving and the list grows and i must admit that you and i are as guilty as it gets,not that i got a kid of my own but its our responsibility. Put differently, if you have a wife and kids or even if you don't its your responsibility and mine to ensure your family got the best of you.Good parenting is not a favour to anybody but yourself.In fact society views you or judges you according to the care and attention you give to your family and well as a man you expect complimentary reciprocity or reciprocation if you like,from your partner.But be it as it may,you must give your best and this is at least according to the bible.
Moving on, i now wish to give you a pointer to the gist of my post today.As few as two months ago,we saw on live tv a certain man being roughed up by police,or was it council askaris? The man was to many a mad person who was becoming a nuisance in the city. But no the man was perfectly normal until when you saw him in the press. Right before that,the man had been taken to appear before a magistrate for failing to settle a bill at some bar and while in the court room he also caused a stir and went on and on about him being a lecturer and so on and forth.This man was called Martin Nyongesa.This is his real name and am mentioning his real name because he is now deceased and i do this with the intention of helping you and i understand how fucked all we men are.
Nyongesa was before is death known to me but not personally.I knew him through favours extended to me by my elder brother sometime back.Nyongesa and my brother were year mates at University and they all proceeded to teach at the same university and heading a department here and there under the same faculty.So occasionally i would see and meet him at the college eatery reserved for the lecturers at the UoN.Nyongesa is one of the folks that married back in the day while they were still in high school doing A-levels.Remember form six?So he joined university as a parent. As fate would have it,Nyongesa being straight from Luhya land was really amused and mesmerised by the colour of the ladies in the city.He went on to marry another very cute and light skinned lady from somewhere in the city.Together they sired two kids who as you may have guessed very old now.In fact they should be clearing college by now if i have my math right.Needless to say, he brazenly abandoned his first wife.What is more strange is that his first wife of many years suddenly became a cancer,something ugly to the extent that he forgot completely about here and the family as a whole.He stopped doing visitations and or giving any support to the kids, a clear indication of how we men get easily fucked up.
As if that was not enough, he again dropped his second wife if we can call her so,forgot about the kids and moved on to Romania,yes ,Romania the country. Here again he hooked up with another Romanian academician lady and together they sired some two kids.As you might have noticed,he took the lord's word, "Go ye and Multiply"! He never slackened when it came to pumping up the population count.He was to me like a dog that in it's trajectory of movement,it keeps urinating in small bushes as if marking territory.He never got late in putting indelible marks when it came to having children.While in Romania things started going kombo kombo for him.He came back to Kenya took back his teaching job at the university but still everything was going mbaya mbaya.He took to alcohol so as to help him cool down.But am sorry to report he dint cool down.Stuff happened so fast,he started going bonkers,many are the times he couldn't settle his bills at the senior common room.Those close to him say,he was mad already.To cut a long story short, his past came to haunt him a very bad way that you and i wouldn't wish for at all.He died while undergoing mental treatment a disgraced man.
I would have given a second personality's story but i hope to do so in the second part of this post.I have brought up Nyongesa's story coz i know it so well like the back of my hand and it relates to something that hit me this morning that got me dumbfounded.As those closer to me might be knowing,my dad has been sickly lately and i have been juggling between attending lectures and seeing to his treatment amongst other calls.Its been really hard but we survive somehow.So as i was coming back to the city very early in the morning,i received a call from someone close but far away from me,informing me that one of my sisters is going bonkers or is at least headed that way.When i tried to check out the story,it turned out my sister's hubby wants to marry a second wife and this is solely the reason my sister is having the mental tantrums.I have not a problem with what an adult does with his or her life.What i have a problem with is a man running to marry another wife while all along he has been something akin to a twat in his role as a parent and a husband.That aside,he has demonstrated more than once that he is not a man.I say so because if you can marry and fail to demonstrate effectively that you can take care of a wife and then run to marry a second wife,then it means you are an idiot.Secondly if you choose to marry the traditional way,and proceed to marry on credit for more than ten years,that is without paying dowry, and then threaten to marry a second wife then again you are clearly reasoning with your feet in the place of the brains.
I don't really care about the reasons he has chosen to marry a second wife over my sister.It is possible my sister was a complete off cut when it came to matters romance and matters horizontal and the usual woman thingy of failing to appeal past the second or third kid.If i can remember growing up,my sister would a times suck when it came to using brains and perhaps its the reason why the sod got tired of her,but all am saying is,let him be a part of the kids he sired.Let all men rise to the occasion and own up lying on top of a woman and there being a kid as a result and see to it that the kid is properly fed and clothed.Am sorry to lay it bare but its because i get really upset when you see someone who earns well abdicates his role as a parent then splatters some second wife shit on our faces.Many are the times this very sister was supposed to fly out for greener pastures and this sod pleaded to be able to look after her only for him to fuck up now.What is more sickening is the excuse of coming from a polygamous dad and that he sees nothing wrong with him being as much! Can you believe this rubbish???? This is from some idiot who on more than one occasion has failed to see that his kids go to school.
Am not sure about what i will eat tomorrow but am sure if and when i become a parent or some body's husband, i will at every opportune moment try and demonstrate what a good parent is made of.I mean we men and a majority of us have got it so twisted that we can no longer think past what it takes to lay a woman.We seem to have very good brains and cleverness at bedding women but past bedding them we score a distant last.I mean look at it,we keep buying new shoes while women keep buying new cars.What an irony?Women have smartened up whilst we continue calling them silly,but who is more silly?We need to smarten up past bedding the women.Kids if you have them,make sure they have a good life and then proceed to marry all the women even Semenya if you like.Am done!
Allow me to give you few events and personalities that i know a thing or two about.Am not really a bible person but at least i was till sometimes fourteen or so years ago when for some unknown reason i started fucking up myself as far morals are concerned.From the bible i know loosely that God loves children God has this thing about born and unborn children.Wait,don't think of abortion yet,what am about to narrate is in no way related to abortion at all.Actually i want to indulge your readership in marital issues.I normally find myself fumbling when it comes to this topic.Like i said, God loves children and i take it straight from there that we should do all in our efforts to ensure all the children have the best they could possibly get from us be it your kid and mine or anybody else' kid.In fact not long ago,when we were growing up,all kids belonged to the entire community,so each and every parent was responsible for every other kid irrespective of whose it was.Fast forward to nowadays nobody gives a damn hoot about kids.We have all become terribly selfish,self serving and the list grows and i must admit that you and i are as guilty as it gets,not that i got a kid of my own but its our responsibility. Put differently, if you have a wife and kids or even if you don't its your responsibility and mine to ensure your family got the best of you.Good parenting is not a favour to anybody but yourself.In fact society views you or judges you according to the care and attention you give to your family and well as a man you expect complimentary reciprocity or reciprocation if you like,from your partner.But be it as it may,you must give your best and this is at least according to the bible.
Moving on, i now wish to give you a pointer to the gist of my post today.As few as two months ago,we saw on live tv a certain man being roughed up by police,or was it council askaris? The man was to many a mad person who was becoming a nuisance in the city. But no the man was perfectly normal until when you saw him in the press. Right before that,the man had been taken to appear before a magistrate for failing to settle a bill at some bar and while in the court room he also caused a stir and went on and on about him being a lecturer and so on and forth.This man was called Martin Nyongesa.This is his real name and am mentioning his real name because he is now deceased and i do this with the intention of helping you and i understand how fucked all we men are.
Nyongesa was before is death known to me but not personally.I knew him through favours extended to me by my elder brother sometime back.Nyongesa and my brother were year mates at University and they all proceeded to teach at the same university and heading a department here and there under the same faculty.So occasionally i would see and meet him at the college eatery reserved for the lecturers at the UoN.Nyongesa is one of the folks that married back in the day while they were still in high school doing A-levels.Remember form six?So he joined university as a parent. As fate would have it,Nyongesa being straight from Luhya land was really amused and mesmerised by the colour of the ladies in the city.He went on to marry another very cute and light skinned lady from somewhere in the city.Together they sired two kids who as you may have guessed very old now.In fact they should be clearing college by now if i have my math right.Needless to say, he brazenly abandoned his first wife.What is more strange is that his first wife of many years suddenly became a cancer,something ugly to the extent that he forgot completely about here and the family as a whole.He stopped doing visitations and or giving any support to the kids, a clear indication of how we men get easily fucked up.
As if that was not enough, he again dropped his second wife if we can call her so,forgot about the kids and moved on to Romania,yes ,Romania the country. Here again he hooked up with another Romanian academician lady and together they sired some two kids.As you might have noticed,he took the lord's word, "Go ye and Multiply"! He never slackened when it came to pumping up the population count.He was to me like a dog that in it's trajectory of movement,it keeps urinating in small bushes as if marking territory.He never got late in putting indelible marks when it came to having children.While in Romania things started going kombo kombo for him.He came back to Kenya took back his teaching job at the university but still everything was going mbaya mbaya.He took to alcohol so as to help him cool down.But am sorry to report he dint cool down.Stuff happened so fast,he started going bonkers,many are the times he couldn't settle his bills at the senior common room.Those close to him say,he was mad already.To cut a long story short, his past came to haunt him a very bad way that you and i wouldn't wish for at all.He died while undergoing mental treatment a disgraced man.
I would have given a second personality's story but i hope to do so in the second part of this post.I have brought up Nyongesa's story coz i know it so well like the back of my hand and it relates to something that hit me this morning that got me dumbfounded.As those closer to me might be knowing,my dad has been sickly lately and i have been juggling between attending lectures and seeing to his treatment amongst other calls.Its been really hard but we survive somehow.So as i was coming back to the city very early in the morning,i received a call from someone close but far away from me,informing me that one of my sisters is going bonkers or is at least headed that way.When i tried to check out the story,it turned out my sister's hubby wants to marry a second wife and this is solely the reason my sister is having the mental tantrums.I have not a problem with what an adult does with his or her life.What i have a problem with is a man running to marry another wife while all along he has been something akin to a twat in his role as a parent and a husband.That aside,he has demonstrated more than once that he is not a man.I say so because if you can marry and fail to demonstrate effectively that you can take care of a wife and then run to marry a second wife,then it means you are an idiot.Secondly if you choose to marry the traditional way,and proceed to marry on credit for more than ten years,that is without paying dowry, and then threaten to marry a second wife then again you are clearly reasoning with your feet in the place of the brains.
I don't really care about the reasons he has chosen to marry a second wife over my sister.It is possible my sister was a complete off cut when it came to matters romance and matters horizontal and the usual woman thingy of failing to appeal past the second or third kid.If i can remember growing up,my sister would a times suck when it came to using brains and perhaps its the reason why the sod got tired of her,but all am saying is,let him be a part of the kids he sired.Let all men rise to the occasion and own up lying on top of a woman and there being a kid as a result and see to it that the kid is properly fed and clothed.Am sorry to lay it bare but its because i get really upset when you see someone who earns well abdicates his role as a parent then splatters some second wife shit on our faces.Many are the times this very sister was supposed to fly out for greener pastures and this sod pleaded to be able to look after her only for him to fuck up now.What is more sickening is the excuse of coming from a polygamous dad and that he sees nothing wrong with him being as much! Can you believe this rubbish???? This is from some idiot who on more than one occasion has failed to see that his kids go to school.
Am not sure about what i will eat tomorrow but am sure if and when i become a parent or some body's husband, i will at every opportune moment try and demonstrate what a good parent is made of.I mean we men and a majority of us have got it so twisted that we can no longer think past what it takes to lay a woman.We seem to have very good brains and cleverness at bedding women but past bedding them we score a distant last.I mean look at it,we keep buying new shoes while women keep buying new cars.What an irony?Women have smartened up whilst we continue calling them silly,but who is more silly?We need to smarten up past bedding the women.Kids if you have them,make sure they have a good life and then proceed to marry all the women even Semenya if you like.Am done!
Friday, October 02, 2009
Some Stories i Know !
I hate my name with a passion because in its abbreviated form it sounds like a djs name. Speaking of Djs,they are those guys that decide the kind of tune that will entertain us when we go to the places of money wasting in the name of having fun and relaxing,some people call it giving the body appreciation for the hard toil.Now coming back to djs,i don't like them for the simple reason that they feel too important to us,they have attitude,most of them hardly take a shower and the list is endless including of course the indisputable fact that they think every woman should notice or fall for them! This are the Kenyan Djs for you. I guess that explains why i cringe when someone calls me Deno because most Djs whom i grew up knowing went by that name. Why would anyone want to be associated with a Dj anyway,not that its a bad profession but the players have given it a bad name.
I wasn't going to talk about the Djs anyway,but just that they bore me to bits.Now this is the part i hate most about this blog,the part where i have to explain why i haven't been posting often as i should,its bad because i have to give excuses that normally end up being the same old song and i guess at that point no one is willing to take me seriously.Like i have said elsewhere before, agony is when people don't take you or what you say seriously at all.Like now when a woman or say even a girl tells me her hobbies are swimming,travelling,listening to music and dancing,even when she is is out rightly looking like a pumpkin straight out of the garden she still claims she can dance, and its her Hobie,Jesus,are we supposed to take such ladies seriously? Every other girl in town has the same set of hobbies and am wondering how wrong could God have possibly gotten it! Anyway that's a story for another day but am trying to say its good when people take you seriously,put differently,its good to stand by your word or promise,so to that end i won't give any excuse for not having have posted for slightly over a month.But for those closer to me,they know why i can't post often but am looking forward to turnaround this blog and get back its once vibrant readers and who knows i could be headed to doing a humour column in one of the dailies around if things go my way.
My closet is normally full of stories for this blog which may soon see the light of day.What i normally do is draft a manuscript and slate it for posting subject to availability of time,funds and convenience of the story at a given time.That's why i have ended up having so many stories that are drafted but which have never seen the inside of this blog,but am soon getting them out of the closet and those that are appropriate will get here,as i might actually have the time and the right logistics to post thanks to M/s so and so. One of the stories i have in the closet is that of beauty of the detail or the devil being in the detail.
In this story i was explaining how a certain distant friend of mine got a rude shock when he came across some detail.Let me indulge you. Maxwell was a beer mate at some pub in outter Nairobi.I call him a distant buddy because he was a friend to a friend even though we attended the same college.I dint like him and even never wanted to keep his company coz he was a loud mouth and he had no particular respect for order in the social places.He would go plastering himself to other peoples tables uninvited and could even embarrass your guests with even taking notice of their displeasure at his unwelcome conduct.For some reason, most ladies seem to like such guys,not that am complaining but i mean,one ought to have a courteous approach to guests who are not known to you and so and forth,remember next time you might be a guest and i am sure you wouldn't want anybody losing respect for you. Anyway, so Maxwell had this fly chic in college,the chic used to drive a Volkswagen polo to college and she was really a nice person albeit naive and she fell short of openly showing she had something more of a culture shock. I can tell you from a very knowledgeable point that driving a polo those days was indeed a good and prestigious thing because Volkswagen is a very good car if you ask me.
Volkswagen aside, the chics name was Mercy and she came from a well to do family as you may have seen and Maxwell too was not badly off but i guess the two of them were happy together. I on the other hand always liked keeping the company of a one George M who was a very good buddy and we could burn the whole weekend together drinking busy gossipping about the campus chics and we liked keeping very limited company outside the two of us coz we were like straight out of the village into the city life.Maxwell didn't have a fair opinion of us and he sort of despised us coz we dint appear to him as any important but we only kept his company at times coz when he felt like bragging,he could buy us booze which was our problem then and normally we knew we could be dropped off at our places of residence well past midnight without having to pay a penny and for that we could chide him as the chauffeur.
Turns out one day when he was bragging to us i had taken one too many and i gathered courage to face him and actually i managed to give him my two cents of what i thought of him.Normally am the kind of person that sits somewhere and watch people make sense or rubbish of themselves as i analyse them.I normally wouldn't wish to take part in a stupid discussion and or with people that come across to me as stupid.I had watched Maxwell for far too long given the fact that we had been drinking together for quite sometime.He was bragging coz of this chic and so this day i told him that,were it not that Mercy was somewhat naive and childish,he wouldn't be having her as his girlfriend,otherwise it was my humble opinion that sooner or later he would lose Mercy for good and the next guy that will have Mercy will be the guy he least expects.His reaction was what anybody can imagine.In fact he got so upset with me but since i was high it din't matter coz my point was home and dry.I will cut a long story short and that's the beauty of being the story teller.
Days went by and my prophecy came to be.Maxwell learnt the lesson ina very hard and bitter way and it was even bitter coz i the prophet was the one to deliver the sad news.For those of you who don't know me well except for this blog,i love to read.In fact some people think i know too much,which is not a bad thing altogether so long as you use what you know to be streetwise and or to make you a better person.Actually all i know is not from official news or information channels,coz the after all the papers are always wrong but wait they are never wrong on adverts or everything for that matter.Like i said before i love to read even the most minute details! So this one Saturday as is my usual habit,when i have the money and feel like relaxing alone in the house and to myself,i normally like buy all the dailies and some Juice,wine or some alcohol just to keep me going.Its good watching movies is not a hobby even though i have listed it as a Hobie just for conformity just like the ladies. So i lock myself up and sift through the dailies to see what i don't know.Then came a shocker.I couldn't believe reading on the Lonely hearts column, Mercy's name and worse still she wanted some who was as hopeless as i was for a boyfriend.Not that she described me,but the kind of person she wanted or she was looking for befitted my profile.I had to be sure it was her and that it was not a case of mistaken identity so i actually took the number and called and confirmed it was the same number of her that i had in the phone just in case.Of course i hid my number and called her and she actually confirmed she was the one and we setup a meeting which as you could imagine i dint show up as it could be stupid to do so.So i very quickly forgot about my solitude and summoned George so we could meet at our usual joint to break the news.He too was in disbelief but we had to break the news and somebody had to do it and that somebody was us.We called Maxwell and we broke the news, and what happened thereafter is a story for another day.But he was disturbed,upset as i laughed the more and more at him.I dint care,coz it was his pride i wanted hurt most!
To cut a long story short,Maxwell lost the chic to somebody that he felt was a loser and i had the last laugh to say the least.It might sound i was happy about his loss but wait,i wasn't keen to see that he lost her,but i was keen to see if he paid attention to little detail.Maxwell's story was retold a couple of weeks ago when another man i know of also lost a woman in a similar fashion and i believe this are the cases that i only know of out of sheer coincidence,there should be many more out there.But that's not really important today,what is,is why would a woman seemingly happy resort to look for love or companionship through the press? Finally what better humiliation is there to a man than this one? Anyway,this is one of the stories i know!
I wasn't going to talk about the Djs anyway,but just that they bore me to bits.Now this is the part i hate most about this blog,the part where i have to explain why i haven't been posting often as i should,its bad because i have to give excuses that normally end up being the same old song and i guess at that point no one is willing to take me seriously.Like i have said elsewhere before, agony is when people don't take you or what you say seriously at all.Like now when a woman or say even a girl tells me her hobbies are swimming,travelling,listening to music and dancing,even when she is is out rightly looking like a pumpkin straight out of the garden she still claims she can dance, and its her Hobie,Jesus,are we supposed to take such ladies seriously? Every other girl in town has the same set of hobbies and am wondering how wrong could God have possibly gotten it! Anyway that's a story for another day but am trying to say its good when people take you seriously,put differently,its good to stand by your word or promise,so to that end i won't give any excuse for not having have posted for slightly over a month.But for those closer to me,they know why i can't post often but am looking forward to turnaround this blog and get back its once vibrant readers and who knows i could be headed to doing a humour column in one of the dailies around if things go my way.
My closet is normally full of stories for this blog which may soon see the light of day.What i normally do is draft a manuscript and slate it for posting subject to availability of time,funds and convenience of the story at a given time.That's why i have ended up having so many stories that are drafted but which have never seen the inside of this blog,but am soon getting them out of the closet and those that are appropriate will get here,as i might actually have the time and the right logistics to post thanks to M/s so and so. One of the stories i have in the closet is that of beauty of the detail or the devil being in the detail.
In this story i was explaining how a certain distant friend of mine got a rude shock when he came across some detail.Let me indulge you. Maxwell was a beer mate at some pub in outter Nairobi.I call him a distant buddy because he was a friend to a friend even though we attended the same college.I dint like him and even never wanted to keep his company coz he was a loud mouth and he had no particular respect for order in the social places.He would go plastering himself to other peoples tables uninvited and could even embarrass your guests with even taking notice of their displeasure at his unwelcome conduct.For some reason, most ladies seem to like such guys,not that am complaining but i mean,one ought to have a courteous approach to guests who are not known to you and so and forth,remember next time you might be a guest and i am sure you wouldn't want anybody losing respect for you. Anyway, so Maxwell had this fly chic in college,the chic used to drive a Volkswagen polo to college and she was really a nice person albeit naive and she fell short of openly showing she had something more of a culture shock. I can tell you from a very knowledgeable point that driving a polo those days was indeed a good and prestigious thing because Volkswagen is a very good car if you ask me.
Volkswagen aside, the chics name was Mercy and she came from a well to do family as you may have seen and Maxwell too was not badly off but i guess the two of them were happy together. I on the other hand always liked keeping the company of a one George M who was a very good buddy and we could burn the whole weekend together drinking busy gossipping about the campus chics and we liked keeping very limited company outside the two of us coz we were like straight out of the village into the city life.Maxwell didn't have a fair opinion of us and he sort of despised us coz we dint appear to him as any important but we only kept his company at times coz when he felt like bragging,he could buy us booze which was our problem then and normally we knew we could be dropped off at our places of residence well past midnight without having to pay a penny and for that we could chide him as the chauffeur.
Turns out one day when he was bragging to us i had taken one too many and i gathered courage to face him and actually i managed to give him my two cents of what i thought of him.Normally am the kind of person that sits somewhere and watch people make sense or rubbish of themselves as i analyse them.I normally wouldn't wish to take part in a stupid discussion and or with people that come across to me as stupid.I had watched Maxwell for far too long given the fact that we had been drinking together for quite sometime.He was bragging coz of this chic and so this day i told him that,were it not that Mercy was somewhat naive and childish,he wouldn't be having her as his girlfriend,otherwise it was my humble opinion that sooner or later he would lose Mercy for good and the next guy that will have Mercy will be the guy he least expects.His reaction was what anybody can imagine.In fact he got so upset with me but since i was high it din't matter coz my point was home and dry.I will cut a long story short and that's the beauty of being the story teller.
Days went by and my prophecy came to be.Maxwell learnt the lesson ina very hard and bitter way and it was even bitter coz i the prophet was the one to deliver the sad news.For those of you who don't know me well except for this blog,i love to read.In fact some people think i know too much,which is not a bad thing altogether so long as you use what you know to be streetwise and or to make you a better person.Actually all i know is not from official news or information channels,coz the after all the papers are always wrong but wait they are never wrong on adverts or everything for that matter.Like i said before i love to read even the most minute details! So this one Saturday as is my usual habit,when i have the money and feel like relaxing alone in the house and to myself,i normally like buy all the dailies and some Juice,wine or some alcohol just to keep me going.Its good watching movies is not a hobby even though i have listed it as a Hobie just for conformity just like the ladies. So i lock myself up and sift through the dailies to see what i don't know.Then came a shocker.I couldn't believe reading on the Lonely hearts column, Mercy's name and worse still she wanted some who was as hopeless as i was for a boyfriend.Not that she described me,but the kind of person she wanted or she was looking for befitted my profile.I had to be sure it was her and that it was not a case of mistaken identity so i actually took the number and called and confirmed it was the same number of her that i had in the phone just in case.Of course i hid my number and called her and she actually confirmed she was the one and we setup a meeting which as you could imagine i dint show up as it could be stupid to do so.So i very quickly forgot about my solitude and summoned George so we could meet at our usual joint to break the news.He too was in disbelief but we had to break the news and somebody had to do it and that somebody was us.We called Maxwell and we broke the news, and what happened thereafter is a story for another day.But he was disturbed,upset as i laughed the more and more at him.I dint care,coz it was his pride i wanted hurt most!
To cut a long story short,Maxwell lost the chic to somebody that he felt was a loser and i had the last laugh to say the least.It might sound i was happy about his loss but wait,i wasn't keen to see that he lost her,but i was keen to see if he paid attention to little detail.Maxwell's story was retold a couple of weeks ago when another man i know of also lost a woman in a similar fashion and i believe this are the cases that i only know of out of sheer coincidence,there should be many more out there.But that's not really important today,what is,is why would a woman seemingly happy resort to look for love or companionship through the press? Finally what better humiliation is there to a man than this one? Anyway,this is one of the stories i know!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
How Not To Marry!
I am very sorry yet again for having have not posted a line here inspite of having have promised to do every week.Its not my wish though,many reasons abount for the absence,need i also say i was broke?Anyway,i wasn't going to do this post until a buddy of mine asked if i still do this posts and i was reminded i have obligations to my readers especially those that are on the mailing list for every new blog post.Am not sure what to write about but i guess this issue bothers each and everyone of us who has been on the shelf and feels like we have been on the shelf for far too long and its actually time someone came and picked us for a dish.
Now to marry or not to marry is something that has been on my mind every now and then.When i look at most marriages i shudder at the thought of picking someone for my dish.Most marriages look like a drunkard run over by a cart along wakulima market in downtown Nairobi.Then one comforts himself or herself and says hey mine won't be like so and so's mine will be perfect.I will make sure everything is in its rightful place so my family doesn't suffer and the list goes on.Then comes to the easy yet difficult part of choosing a victim.By victim i mean spouse.I use the word victim because God-willing this person you choose as your victim will have to persevere either your nice and good love or your torturous love so its a two way thing.Victims can be happy or sad so depends on your understanding.
Don't get me wrong,i am committed more than ever to marry or get married... ooops marry coz its only Asian Wahindis who get married but at this rate i might get married also.But this is my understanding and my experience in this journey to nowhere.I hope that by the end of this piece i shall be easily understand coz am normally a victim of being misconstrued even by my potential victims loool!
I have tried to very very unsuccessfully to find a proper person.I have even tried to ask close friends who the ideal person to marry is to no avail.Normally we have ended the conversation in gossip instead of seeking a solution.I am almost saying i will marry by accident.Nevertheless,lets explore how many people have married before us and or will marry after us.Firstly i admire and truly miss how our parents married.There was no much hassle in the process from what am told.All it took was to just to identify,pay and take home but only on one condition,there was supposed to be a sexual intercourse and between the two of them and the result was that the man had to show his peers some blood which basically proved that your mum to be hadn't been sleeping around in any available bed,that is she was like a whole bread yaani mzima mzima or if you like a virgin.But this process has died its natural death over time.
Then the other one is the one i call " you forgot your luggage" !This is the one where some guy feels hen enough and takes to the horizontal position with a girl also feeling hen enough and together they sire a bouncing baby girl but occassionally its a boy.Then the Sod tries to dash away from responsibility to pass it on to another in waiting.Normally this is a setup but in most cases its not.A girl could admire you and then take you down horizontally and then claim the kid is yours and if you are unlucky they will gang with the mother and bribe the area chief and before you know it,she is your wife or you are coughing upkeep for your luggage.I dont think its a good route to marry but either way you are married.Good thing about this method is that atleast one knows how the migingo tastes already so no fear.If you ask me i dont admire this route at all.
Another bizzare one is the one you deliberately page a girl so as to later coerce her into marrying you coz of the kid!This method is not very popular this days as guys are naturaly not ready to take up the challenge,all they want is to sire more Obamas than America needs actually.The proven problem with this one is that the lady will be with you physically but emotionally she will be detached or attached to someone else,and who needs a sad wife anyway.And this reminds me that as a promise i made to myself,my wife shall always be happy so long as am alive.I will do anything maintain the smile even when its the red season(Periods).So i wont take this route coz,when you were enjoying migingo the lady was enjoying it just for the moment and she din't envisage that she will be committed to you for life so naturally the migingo happiness wont translate to marital happiness and i will repeat to say that a sad and resentful wife is a no go for me.So that method is ruled out.
Then there is the other one i call the seminar method.This is where your mother or father arrange the goodiez for you.As for me and whoever will be my wife we vehemently oppose this method upfront.Now a friend of mine whom i have discussed in this forum before is sufferring thanks to this method.He has been murmuring to those that care to listen about how life has become hard under the current regime.By regime i mean the wife.His was an arranged one and both sides are well to do but the guy is an absolute idiot as i have known him all his life and the wife is some sharp wannabe.So naturally she is dominating the show from behind.I dont see why my mother finds it feet to look for a wife for me.By the way let me hasten to note that my mother thinks i have been unable to find a woman thats why am not married.That is why she has been sending me to places she knows there are girls who can become my victims.So she doesn't know that i have heard,read and seen those tricks before.So she has been offering me assistance and you dont wanna know how upset i have been with her unsolicited help.Anyhow,methinks one should look for his own victim and not arranged as it will be the two of you together in the house,the rest will just be spectators in the scramble for migingo.So this route again is out.The only thing i can condone under this is a non arranged hook-up from a friend or close pal!Infact this method is a selfish,insensitive,colonial and barbaric whose aim is conservationist and irrational.
So this begs one question over and over again.How can one marry,or which is the ideal avenue to a good marriage?Firstly i think its identify,court,"test",pay and carry!LoooolHey don't get me wrong on the test!Kwani you can buy a car without knowing its peak perfomance ratings!Kwendeni huko!lool just kidding.I gotta go but before i do,i don't believe in marrying on credit so after you go past the tedious and harrowing identification parade,one should court and pay dowry.Taking someone's girl in a snap with paying any token of appreciation,- infact even God dislikes marrying on credit - pay the dowry and carry the package home.Marrying on credit is disgusting and is the reason most marriages fail.If i marry you,be sure i will pay before i pick you up.The process above is the one i think or find to be ideal.Next time if and only if the credit crunch is over i will give you my five cents on why the identification parade is the reason why we are not married and are doomed to marry by accident.
Hey enjoy yourself and i encourage feedback as usual!Bye and have a nice one guyz!
Now to marry or not to marry is something that has been on my mind every now and then.When i look at most marriages i shudder at the thought of picking someone for my dish.Most marriages look like a drunkard run over by a cart along wakulima market in downtown Nairobi.Then one comforts himself or herself and says hey mine won't be like so and so's mine will be perfect.I will make sure everything is in its rightful place so my family doesn't suffer and the list goes on.Then comes to the easy yet difficult part of choosing a victim.By victim i mean spouse.I use the word victim because God-willing this person you choose as your victim will have to persevere either your nice and good love or your torturous love so its a two way thing.Victims can be happy or sad so depends on your understanding.
Don't get me wrong,i am committed more than ever to marry or get married... ooops marry coz its only Asian Wahindis who get married but at this rate i might get married also.But this is my understanding and my experience in this journey to nowhere.I hope that by the end of this piece i shall be easily understand coz am normally a victim of being misconstrued even by my potential victims loool!
I have tried to very very unsuccessfully to find a proper person.I have even tried to ask close friends who the ideal person to marry is to no avail.Normally we have ended the conversation in gossip instead of seeking a solution.I am almost saying i will marry by accident.Nevertheless,lets explore how many people have married before us and or will marry after us.Firstly i admire and truly miss how our parents married.There was no much hassle in the process from what am told.All it took was to just to identify,pay and take home but only on one condition,there was supposed to be a sexual intercourse and between the two of them and the result was that the man had to show his peers some blood which basically proved that your mum to be hadn't been sleeping around in any available bed,that is she was like a whole bread yaani mzima mzima or if you like a virgin.But this process has died its natural death over time.
Then the other one is the one i call " you forgot your luggage" !This is the one where some guy feels hen enough and takes to the horizontal position with a girl also feeling hen enough and together they sire a bouncing baby girl but occassionally its a boy.Then the Sod tries to dash away from responsibility to pass it on to another in waiting.Normally this is a setup but in most cases its not.A girl could admire you and then take you down horizontally and then claim the kid is yours and if you are unlucky they will gang with the mother and bribe the area chief and before you know it,she is your wife or you are coughing upkeep for your luggage.I dont think its a good route to marry but either way you are married.Good thing about this method is that atleast one knows how the migingo tastes already so no fear.If you ask me i dont admire this route at all.
Another bizzare one is the one you deliberately page a girl so as to later coerce her into marrying you coz of the kid!This method is not very popular this days as guys are naturaly not ready to take up the challenge,all they want is to sire more Obamas than America needs actually.The proven problem with this one is that the lady will be with you physically but emotionally she will be detached or attached to someone else,and who needs a sad wife anyway.And this reminds me that as a promise i made to myself,my wife shall always be happy so long as am alive.I will do anything maintain the smile even when its the red season(Periods).So i wont take this route coz,when you were enjoying migingo the lady was enjoying it just for the moment and she din't envisage that she will be committed to you for life so naturally the migingo happiness wont translate to marital happiness and i will repeat to say that a sad and resentful wife is a no go for me.So that method is ruled out.
Then there is the other one i call the seminar method.This is where your mother or father arrange the goodiez for you.As for me and whoever will be my wife we vehemently oppose this method upfront.Now a friend of mine whom i have discussed in this forum before is sufferring thanks to this method.He has been murmuring to those that care to listen about how life has become hard under the current regime.By regime i mean the wife.His was an arranged one and both sides are well to do but the guy is an absolute idiot as i have known him all his life and the wife is some sharp wannabe.So naturally she is dominating the show from behind.I dont see why my mother finds it feet to look for a wife for me.By the way let me hasten to note that my mother thinks i have been unable to find a woman thats why am not married.That is why she has been sending me to places she knows there are girls who can become my victims.So she doesn't know that i have heard,read and seen those tricks before.So she has been offering me assistance and you dont wanna know how upset i have been with her unsolicited help.Anyhow,methinks one should look for his own victim and not arranged as it will be the two of you together in the house,the rest will just be spectators in the scramble for migingo.So this route again is out.The only thing i can condone under this is a non arranged hook-up from a friend or close pal!Infact this method is a selfish,insensitive,colonial and barbaric whose aim is conservationist and irrational.
So this begs one question over and over again.How can one marry,or which is the ideal avenue to a good marriage?Firstly i think its identify,court,"test",pay and carry!LoooolHey don't get me wrong on the test!Kwani you can buy a car without knowing its peak perfomance ratings!Kwendeni huko!lool just kidding.I gotta go but before i do,i don't believe in marrying on credit so after you go past the tedious and harrowing identification parade,one should court and pay dowry.Taking someone's girl in a snap with paying any token of appreciation,- infact even God dislikes marrying on credit - pay the dowry and carry the package home.Marrying on credit is disgusting and is the reason most marriages fail.If i marry you,be sure i will pay before i pick you up.The process above is the one i think or find to be ideal.Next time if and only if the credit crunch is over i will give you my five cents on why the identification parade is the reason why we are not married and are doomed to marry by accident.
Hey enjoy yourself and i encourage feedback as usual!Bye and have a nice one guyz!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
This is it......................
Hey Ayaaamu backa.For a moment one would think i blog annually coz i just realised the last time i was here was around the same time last year.Funny still i always give more or less the same excuses for not blogging as frequently as i ought to.But many readers would agree that when i was was i, i would blog more often infact sometimes i would manage two blogs.Like the title says this is is it,this is the real me now!I promise that i will be posting atleast once a week and you can take that to the bank as collateral.Lol
Now now, so many changes have grown up in me.Firstly am almost doing a year without the services of a bar maid.In other words i quit the bottle.But hey am suffering,since i quit i dont get the info like it used to flow around when i was boozing,it takes days before it reaches me and am mad about this but either way it reaches me.One would ask me why i quit and am going to give three reasons.Before i do so let me say,that i discovered that there is absolutely no reason for the reckless drinking that we sometimes engage in.I realised we only create excuses to drink our selves silly.Ati stress,joblessness and we all like to preview our funerals co zthe full form of FUN is actually funeral period.So in like abc booz ruined my health,ruined any meaningful relationships i had from clients right into my family members and am not telling you about finances.Right now even if am not a success story,atleast i have peace within me.Somebody say amen.......
Another change that i am undergoing and this is ongoing,i am very very seriously looking for a wife,any ladies out there that are burning to settle down?Hahahahaaaaa damn i envy folks i see driving around with their families with stress tucked beneath, but boy aint they admirable?In short i need a family with an odd number as the total of the kids.Stress zote za familia na zikuje,with or without money niko tayari kupambana nazo anyone thinks otherwise go and sit on a pin.hahahhahaaa just being mean,never mind.
Finally, i discovered that we actually dont have friends!What we have are some mongrels masquarading as friends.Friends only when you buy but enemies beneath.I will elaborate someday prolly in the next post.Nevertheless i have now decided to be choosy in my associations from noow henceforth.
Hey i gotta run.Internet this end of the world comes at the cost ofyour leg and your arm put together.I gotta go and place an advert in the classified section for a wife.Bye Whatever you do Have a nice one folks!
Now now, so many changes have grown up in me.Firstly am almost doing a year without the services of a bar maid.In other words i quit the bottle.But hey am suffering,since i quit i dont get the info like it used to flow around when i was boozing,it takes days before it reaches me and am mad about this but either way it reaches me.One would ask me why i quit and am going to give three reasons.Before i do so let me say,that i discovered that there is absolutely no reason for the reckless drinking that we sometimes engage in.I realised we only create excuses to drink our selves silly.Ati stress,joblessness and we all like to preview our funerals co zthe full form of FUN is actually funeral period.So in like abc booz ruined my health,ruined any meaningful relationships i had from clients right into my family members and am not telling you about finances.Right now even if am not a success story,atleast i have peace within me.Somebody say amen.......
Another change that i am undergoing and this is ongoing,i am very very seriously looking for a wife,any ladies out there that are burning to settle down?Hahahahaaaaa damn i envy folks i see driving around with their families with stress tucked beneath, but boy aint they admirable?In short i need a family with an odd number as the total of the kids.Stress zote za familia na zikuje,with or without money niko tayari kupambana nazo anyone thinks otherwise go and sit on a pin.hahahhahaaa just being mean,never mind.
Finally, i discovered that we actually dont have friends!What we have are some mongrels masquarading as friends.Friends only when you buy but enemies beneath.I will elaborate someday prolly in the next post.Nevertheless i have now decided to be choosy in my associations from noow henceforth.
Hey i gotta run.Internet this end of the world comes at the cost ofyour leg and your arm put together.I gotta go and place an advert in the classified section for a wife.Bye Whatever you do Have a nice one folks!
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