How Not To Marry!

I am very sorry yet again for having have not posted a line here inspite of having have promised to do every week.Its not my wish though,many reasons abount for the absence,need i also say i was broke?Anyway,i wasn't going to do this post until a buddy of mine asked if i still do this posts and i was reminded i have obligations to my readers especially those that are on the mailing list for every new blog post.Am not sure what to write about but i guess this issue bothers each and everyone of us who has been on the shelf and feels like we have been on the shelf for far too long and its actually time someone came and picked us for a dish.

Now to marry or not to marry is something that has been on my mind every now and then.When i look at most marriages i shudder at the thought of picking someone for my dish.Most marriages look like a drunkard run over by a cart along wakulima market in downtown Nairobi.Then one comforts himself or herself and says hey mine won't be like so and so's mine will be perfect.I will make sure everything is in its rightful place so my family doesn't suffer and the list goes on.Then comes to the easy yet difficult part of choosing a victim.By victim i mean spouse.I use the word victim because God-willing this person you choose as your victim will have to persevere either your nice and good love or your torturous love so its a two way thing.Victims can be happy or sad so depends on your understanding.

Don't get me wrong,i am committed more than ever to marry or get married... ooops marry coz its only Asian Wahindis who get married but at this rate i might get married also.But this is my understanding and my experience in this journey to nowhere.I hope that by the end of this piece i shall be easily understand coz am normally a victim of being misconstrued even by my potential victims loool!

I have tried to very very unsuccessfully to find a proper person.I have even tried to ask close friends who the ideal person to marry is to no avail.Normally we have ended the conversation in gossip instead of seeking a solution.I am almost saying i will marry by accident.Nevertheless,lets explore how many people have married before us and or will marry after us.Firstly i admire and truly miss how our parents married.There was no much hassle in the process from what am told.All it took was to just to identify,pay and take home but only on one condition,there was supposed to be a sexual intercourse and between the two of them and the result was that the man had to show his peers some blood which basically proved that your mum to be hadn't been sleeping around in any available bed,that is she was like a whole bread yaani mzima mzima or if you like a virgin.But this process has died its natural death over time.

Then the other one is the one i call " you forgot your luggage" !This is the one where some guy feels hen enough and takes to the horizontal position with a girl also feeling hen enough and together they sire a bouncing baby girl but occassionally its a boy.Then the Sod tries to dash away from responsibility to pass it on to another in waiting.Normally this is a setup but in most cases its not.A girl could admire you and then take you down horizontally and then claim the kid is yours and if you are unlucky they will gang with the mother and bribe the area chief and before you know it,she is your wife or you are coughing upkeep for your luggage.I dont think its a good route to marry but either way you are married.Good thing about this method is that atleast one knows how the migingo tastes already so no fear.If you ask me i dont admire this route at all.

Another bizzare one is the one you deliberately page a girl so as to later coerce her into marrying you coz of the kid!This method is not very popular this days as guys are naturaly not ready to take up the challenge,all they want is to sire more Obamas than America needs actually.The proven problem with this one is that the lady will be with you physically but emotionally she will be detached or attached to someone else,and who needs a sad wife anyway.And this reminds me that as a promise i made to myself,my wife shall always be happy so long as am alive.I will do anything maintain the smile even when its the red season(Periods).So i wont take this route coz,when you were enjoying migingo the lady was enjoying it just for the moment and she din't envisage that she will be committed to you for life so naturally the migingo happiness wont translate to marital happiness and i will repeat to say that a sad and resentful wife is a no go for me.So that method is ruled out.

Then there is the other one i call the seminar method.This is where your mother or father arrange the goodiez for you.As for me and whoever will be my wife we vehemently oppose this method upfront.Now a friend of mine whom i have discussed in this forum before is sufferring thanks to this method.He has been murmuring to those that care to listen about how life has become hard under the current regime.By regime i mean the wife.His was an arranged one and both sides are well to do but the guy is an absolute idiot as i have known him all his life and the wife is some sharp wannabe.So naturally she is dominating the show from behind.I dont see why my mother finds it feet to look for a wife for me.By the way let me hasten to note that my mother thinks i have been unable to find a woman thats why am not married.That is why she has been sending me to places she knows there are girls who can become my victims.So she doesn't know that i have heard,read and seen those tricks before.So she has been offering me assistance and you dont wanna know how upset i have been with her unsolicited help.Anyhow,methinks one should look for his own victim and not arranged as it will be the two of you together in the house,the rest will just be spectators in the scramble for migingo.So this route again is out.The only thing i can condone under this is a non arranged hook-up from a friend or close pal!Infact this method is a selfish,insensitive,colonial and barbaric whose aim is conservationist and irrational.

So this begs one question over and over again.How can one marry,or which is the ideal avenue to a good marriage?Firstly i think its identify,court,"test",pay and carry!LoooolHey don't get me wrong on the test!Kwani you can buy a car without knowing its peak perfomance ratings!Kwendeni huko!lool just kidding.I gotta go but before i do,i don't believe in marrying on credit so after you go past the tedious and harrowing identification parade,one should court and pay dowry.Taking someone's girl in a snap with paying any token of appreciation,- infact even God dislikes marrying on credit - pay the dowry and carry the package home.Marrying on credit is disgusting and is the reason most marriages fail.If i marry you,be sure i will pay before i pick you up.The process above is the one i think or find to be ideal.Next time if and only if the credit crunch is over i will give you my five cents on why the identification parade is the reason why we are not married and are doomed to marry by accident.

Hey enjoy yourself and i encourage feedback as usual!Bye and have a nice one guyz!