Press Conference With The Fool ..........!

Like i was saying earlier i like to Laugh!Its not anything new here yet but just a thought anyway!Now where i am at there is a club called Dimples and in it is a bar called Mahogany!Someone help me here!Now in this pub within the club i am told its called bidii yako!Bidii means hardwork or some struggle to achieve something!Again in this club there are lots of loose morals!By loose morals i mean the people that frequent it are mostly of loose morals!There are these girls who stay in college and like to merry alot but there is one hitch,they are cash strapped and ever so!So if you go there and wanted a girl you only need to apply bidii yako!Am told this girls frequent here with the disguise of having fun but they are mainly looking for men with loose morals like them!I mean this girls are in college and how broke does one get to the extent of loosening ones morals surely?Anyway i guess that makes life intresting!

Away from mahogany i have been bogged by questions on who am i?So today i am at the press confrence and am glad to answer your questions just like you want them!

Q.Who are you?

A.I am DNA!

Q.Where are you from?

A.I am Kenyan and reside in Nakuru Kenya,Riftvalley Province!

Q.How Old are You?

A.Am forty years old divided by two plus the half of twelve kids but i look thirty though!

Q.What do you do?

A.Am a jack of all trades currently thinking of how to start selling Aeroplanes except i dont have space but mainly am a System Administrator and also pass for a technician!

Q.Are you married?

A.Oooooh no,am single and seriously looking and i am right now looking your direction so if i get you i guess the answer will be yes am married!

Q.What about your family?

A.Oh yes our family can pass for the Italian National football team!I have three sisters and five brothers but one is a statistic and yes my first girlfriend having her birthday soon and his boyfriend number one i mean my dad!

Q.Where is your home?

A.I subscribe from the stupid ideals of some tribe called abagusii which is in Nyanza province and so yes am from North Kisii and again naturally am from Kisii!

Q.What are your hobbiez?

A.I am sorry and i had no idea hobbiez still exist!But if hobbiez are the things one does when he or she is free then me unlike everyone else who says -they read novels,watch movies even though they dont know who or what Harry potter is ,or make new friends - me i like computers and yes bonding!I am also not forgetting laughing as a favourite passtime!

Q.Anyone special in your life?

A.Oh yes!So many people,i have special people like Moraa who is my mum and girlfriend and afew special guyz who i dont treat as friends but those that understand me!But romantically there is no one,the last time i checked my dashboard was getting flat and my rear inventory was diminishing just when i was about to get involved!Its stressful to chase skirts and jeans around here!

Q.Whats your opinion about sex?

A.Sex is good and its sort of defining in our lifes!I am upset its used as the measure for a womans love to a man and ironically it breaks affairs and relationships!But my take is that its good or better had by two people committed to each other!

Q.Dress code?

A.Great,i do lots of jeans coupled with T-shirts but i also do normal wear but i dress like i feel no matter the occasion or event!Whatever makes me feel ok is what i go for!I hate shoes but i have little or no choice over them,but i like open shoes even to the office i dont mind!


Q.Whose your ideal woman?

A.I like my woman bright and witty!I like my woman understanding and cognitive at all the times.Oh she must be streetwise also,coz she has to also know how to change the car tyre incase of a puncture!She also must know how to dress besides she must not be materialistic and yes she must be good looking with nice hair and her choice of bras must be tick else i might run!


Q.What do you think about life?

A.Life is useless but at the same time good!So enjoy it while you can!Life has lots of nonsense so always try and make sense of all the nonsense around!Do things as is normal and do it like your heart desires and not like people want!

Q.Parting shot?

A.Looool !Sorry i like to laugh!Hey guyz we are almost loosing a generation to HIV/AIDS so kindly hold your johniez and the containerz must be sealed alwayz and should be opened using gloves coz we dont accept contaminated cargo besides we need to be grandfathers and grandmothers!


So i guess thats just about it all and anymore questions should be forwared to my secretary and i will respongd appropriately!Nice time guyz and there are refreshments at your pleasure and as for me hardware is timely now i bet!Bye and thank you all for coming over!

Reasons Why Companies Close Down.............!

Well,I spoke of my stomach and I am amazed at what I got either thro comment or mail.Well Gibby n I are planning on how well we can reschedule our time or is it proggrammes so we can join some fitness centre coz after all which chrome would want some twosome unfit fools!The sooner we do it the better!Something is in the pot cooking and am a bit scared but hope I will manage and I will fill you in with the details soon!I managed to in a way hunt back my boss and he is now the hunted and which is why I always say if you are given a job do it well and make sure you leave no loopholes!Now I have kept my boss guessing and even the daily allowances I skipped picking them and now am all hotheaded!There is nothing bad like someone taking you ransom just coz he thinks he holds the key to your life! But anyway I am yet to understand why some tribes think this way or have certain tendencies while the rest think that way and have other tendencies!Or some races think retrogressively while some think otherwise! We are all human beings or Africans for that case but some of us are more African than others!Lol

Elsewhere we are talking companies but before that lets peep! I deviated the other day and joined some other fools somewhere for a drink over some not so good topic! So while here I learnt some new words that go in the name of sheng or is it slang? Share.Now you all know what the word means! We all heard of shares being sold for a company and by the way Wambu what happened we were talking of some takeover or is it you buying a stake in my blah blah! Lol Or share is what one might give to another person either as a gift or for the sake of brotherliness!Now wait,Ladies you are unlucky this time!I have been pampering you with this chromeski word here!Now this days you are reffered to as shares!Or if you are one you are just that – a share – so there you go! When I begged to be told why the word the could be crooner or is it coiner of the word told me how hopeless he had gotten in the hands of girlfriends co he discovered that we all share this women and hence the word share! I asked him why he cant acquire a share (read woman) for himself and keep it and he told me that was like trying to paint a dog on its 9^th anniversary which is very difficult! Then came the other fool who told me of another word – Project – lol and for those who are well versed with Kenyan politics you know what a project means and for those who don’t know or remember ,during the 2002 elections the former president handpicked some guy to run for presidency and it went along to be called or known as the project.In the words of this man a project is something that is either unworkable or workable,it’s a gamble according to him! So to him ladies are like projects that you embark on which might payout or not!

Shares and projects aside many business close down some wind up and some do merge some are taken over! As you all know am a fool and I am allowed to think silly and only me is allowed by the powers that be to think silly and so like wrestling on TV don’t try this at home! Now the Standard Plc closed down in Nigeria given the Hi tech Oga brothers there who ripped it clean! Enron got a scandal in the US and whatever its fate is I still don’t know.Then in Kenya we have heard of Daima Bank , Euro Bank and the list is endless and yes Uchumi has been in the red but its still waking from slumber and hopefully it will mend its shoes and drag on! Then we have heard things like Myspace.com being bought of by billionaire Media mogul Rupert Murdoch and we have also heard of Hewlett Packard taking over Compaq and the list is endless!Even sage merged with Pastel and now we have pastelsage and so on n on!

Most businesses and or companies wind up when they find out they are making losses and similarly like a man and a woman if your input to the woman brings miseries you wind up your company and close down or sell it out. Secondly if the management is not sound the company is most likely to fail and yes between a man and a share (read chrome) if the man’s management is bad then they will most definetly not do well.Thirdly if the employees are not being treated well then they will resolve to industrial action and this might tarnish the image of the business or company and embarrassment may lead to closure need I expound on that. Relatively like the just closed Uchumi the employees were accused of theft and hence empty shelves, for my readers outside here Uchumi is a local supermarket! So theft in a couple and this happens when you go thieving other peoples girls or men and the company wouldn’t be able to restock if you steal its investments so in my view between the two of you honesty is key! There is also the issue of human resource management for your employees! If your employees happen to be demoralized they output is definitely likely to fall down. So if you mange them well and they will get morale and hence a better output! Need I explain that between a man and a his share there needs to be dialogue and a very open one for that matter!In like just that thats why companies close maybe you could also share why you think companies close!Loool

So some guyz I know are on ma neck!Some think am against ladiez,but i am only describing my ventures and they are not many after all!Lol!But guyz let me tell you this, this blog is all about what I think,feel, eat ,drink, want,gone through and I dare you to comeup with your experiences we read from them and I tell you all of us would be a perfect lot and for those open minded ones like shockers the one who calls me giggles thank you! My point is, there is little fiction in this blog infact none coz all this are things I have gone through or done and I appreciate if you read thro the archives and you will understand it all!In life whatever your heart fancieth give it that and you will live longer !Looooool I wont forget to mention about the overwhelming response I have got about my tummy but hey……………… it aint big its just that its coming in a funny way ……talk of a poor thousandnaire turned broke and you will get the size of my tummy ………loooool!Am out let me go and rest my tummy coz it got pains caused by lots of laughing!Am ouuuuuuuuuuuut!

Am soory................!

Again i discovered something else!First that i am unfit and would fail a simple bone test coz you remember the lady tht came broadcasting her smelly armpits to me?She gave me a simple job and i was feeling like i had been run over by a speeding citi Hoppa bus!Secondly that i seriously need to seek the services of a gymnasium!Then this one is more worrying than the street boy on temple road coming to you menacingly with a paper bag full of human waste!My tummy is threatening me everymorning i look at it on my mirror!I mean its menacing like a nonsense !I have tried to deviate from softwares to hardwares but wapi its all coming and coming like a ticking bomb!Someone tells me its beer but i see some thinner idiots around here with flat ones yet they swallow like water bowsers!Now i need help!

Then now if you have some problem i can help you now coz the noise in town is over!As you may remember we had a by election here and the winners are known!For those who lost there is always a second chance but who needs any of these old budengs in parliament?And for those overnight political analysts am sorry you dint sway the vote either and thanks for keeping us or rather telling us how warped your thinking is so next time we wont look your way when we want political guidance!That said, i can now easily say am at peace coz there is no noise around here!

While in nursery school we were told to say we are sorry whenever we messed about and today am here to say am sorry!For what,about what i will tell you in one moment!Yesterday i was embroiled in some sugar mummy and her boy thingy!Now there i this guy who is old enough to have had his family,but he was snatched by this woman who is about my mum's age and they moved in together for about three or so years now!Recently some chrome came from somewhere and this guy went for her!Apparently i have discovered and this is for ladies only!I am telling you this for free!There are guyz out here looking for monied chromez so as to chew them!So this chrome that poped up from the lakeside this guy went for him and they started a thing and soon he started sleeping over at the new chromez' digs!So when the sugar mommy woke up from slumber her project of three years was being carted away and so she enlisted my service to barricade the road the cart was being pulled through!I obliged but chickened out later!I happen to know them all and so they like my warped thinking about this issues though i have lots of my own i wonder wether they have read this kiblogg to see what my heart has had to endure!So i chickened out to let them clean their shit!

I am yet to understand why we are having men who are harlots or are they gigolos like i am informed by acie, but thats blog for another day!Now coming to why i am soory guyz is this!I tried to remember all my galfriends but i forgot this one!Can we call her Nash for now!This one i met also in a chatroom although she doesnt pass for a girlfriend i wish to fill you in about somethings the fool me did sometime back!Now Nash was a good chat mate!I asked her if she believed in what i call keyboard love!Oooooh she fell for this fool(me) and soon she was foaming around her mouth with love for me!I am never easily believe in some of this chromez given the quick speed with which they accept us fools!Anyway we exchanged numbers emails and so on n forth!We kept calling each other and mails what a fool would call e-courtship!I asked for a photo and she declined to yield and i always believe its not the duty of a man to be beautiful but that of the victim is inevitable!I mean if a girl doesnt belive she aint beauiful what business else have you coz honestly why would a girl decline to give yu her photo!

Being the fool i am i played ball with her tricks!Then came the bigday or is it the d-day!This days as many may agree is a very tough day!This is the day you might even be tempted to get a new pant if your othet one had a hole!I mean during this day guyz try to outshine their victims or atleast to show they are doing well!Now me being what i have been always,i never change my lifestyle for what i know not about!I happened to be travelling her way and so i alerted her and we agreed about the rendezvous!Lol i want a testimony on how any of you pronounced this word the first time they came across it!Believe me you could break your ribs if you heard me pronounce it the way i did the first time i came across it!So as the rules are for the guy you tell your victim you are clad in green while actually clad in blue!So i never like breaking the rules and so i did exactly that!

Long before the d-day,she had exihibited a behaviour i dont fancy at all which apparently common with most of this tuchromez!They suddenly feel like they own you just from a chatroom!They kind of marry you without your knowledge and you have to explain your every move!i think this is terribly sad but what else can we do after all we are endangered species which need an NGO or consortium of some sort to rescue us!This element temporarily put me off but i clung on like an hybrid tick on a cow!So then she came and when i noticed her from how she said she had dressed and i am also not telling you she came late and this was a put off to me!So now since we were all at the meeting place i called her and saw her scamper for her phone and signalled her to where i was seated!Her complexion wasnt good enough for what the fool would give a benefit of doubt for !She was something like some minutes to midnight and i laughed inwardly !So we spoke over some drinks and apparently i dont pretend not to drink once i meet a chrome even if it were Halle Berry i had hooked from online!So i squared my software like it was not her business,she sipped for an hour some smirnoff we call barbed wire here coz of its strength and its label!She wasnt buying any of this heniously priced stuff i wonder why she was creating a bottle snarlup on the table.I want round her head and i recieved some wit call from the heavens telling she was another piece of chaos!So for the sake of my unwinding in the city i played ball with her flat responses to my questions!So blah blah blah,,,,,, i left back to Nax

So she followed my journey back and i arrived safely and delivered what i had gone for!So she was in a struggle to maintain contact which started waning soon as i boarded the bus back to nax!Then now she kept on monitoring me over my movements!She would call our office and if she wouldn't find me you know where she would call next!She would not understand why i wasnt in the office!Not even saying i was in outside assignment was reason to her!She would really be upset with me and this baffled me than amused me!Then she would email me and demand that i call her after work or at night!This i found despicable!Then she had developed an habit of sending me her clerical jobs which i did twice or so !This jobs became too much for me!I switched my phone number to another line coz she was just too much! Then she was all over the office number and i gave instructions that all my calls be ignored even if it was business!Then she resolved to e-mail!Apparently this is somewhere am well versed with and you cant beat me at it!So well i spammed her in my yahoo and filtered out her adress in gmail and guyz am safe here where i am!

Phewwwwwwwwwwww ..................... that was close!I had to avoid this lady like cancer else i would have been dead by now at that rate!Am out for some hardware!

Thought I Was Alone.............. But Oooops!

My boss is screwing alot and he doesnt know what i am worth in terms of everything especially foolishness!Wachana naye!Now i am one person that doesn't understand what class is though again i know what it means!I remember i used to love chicken so one day while i was in nursery class - i still dont understand why it still a nursery coz we werent sick to be nursed - so the hawk or is it mwewe used to snatch the young ones of a chicken!So i was bathed ready for school and good thing back those days i would take myself to school unaided!So i declined in my uniform and stayed on to guard the young ones of our chicken or is it chickens!I tell you i was convinced i was doing the right thing but my dad saw the glass quarter full and when he came back during lunchtime and found me idling at home in the name of guarding the chicks i got some 3D spanking that i wont forget to date!I mean i was on a noble mission and he just decided to spank is something that made me view as dumb but as time went by i discovered i was the fool 3D and for those who own computers know that 3D means three dimension!

Chicks alone yesterday i was with some guys who attend to the same calling as me though i have an edge over them coz i have some training elsewhere!We meet at times but most of them look at the glass half full and i like the company that views the glass as full if not fool!So we decided to go to some alley for a drink just out of boredome and stresses!So this guyz were Collo,Chris,Mwangi and I!So we spoke about how some clients are not paying ,who is owing what and generally job stresses and all that!Then one thing i have noticed is that a boyish conversation is never complete without talking about chromez!I need a woman out there to tell me why women are very integral in mens live and dont tell me about Adam and Eve!So somewhere along the line the girls popped up and we dont always have a popup blocker!So Chris started telling us about a girl he once hooked for a one night stunt and she ended up stealing his cologne!Sooory for keeping you waiting but i went for lunch and now am back!

Shit.............. i thot i was doing this online but well i started doing this and David took me for lunch!So where were we?Oh yes so Chris kind of triggered an onslaught on ladies!Then Collo started gushing out about his last galfriend who just started an outburst about this or that!They broke up over nothing and soon she started dating his friends and colleagues and Collo got very upset and gave up dating!Talk of principles and Collo will tell you that he will only date a chik for a day or two,bang once twice and its over!So his principle basically is that no attachments and he made me laugh loudest with my small tummy n ribs aching when he said if a woman tells you she loves barely two weeks into the relationship then she is a cheat and the sooner you bang and leave it the better!

Then Mwangi came with yet another twist why,he quit dating and opted for stunts,onenighters like you would wish to call them!He once told me how a woman asked for units,here we call it credit or is it credo!Lol, ooooooooooh he had no idea he had opened a pandoras box!There is this gal who used to ask for those units for her expensive samsung i wonder why you buy an expensive phone but cant load units how ironic!So Mwangi was saying that he sends a girl some units she says thank you via SMS or she calls for under a minute to say thank you!So imagining where the rest goes it is actually used to call some old men or other promising boyfriends and you are left but to wonder!This was unanimously agreed upon by everyone and know what they all like me said no more sambazaing or sharing out units to a woman you are dating!

Again Chris came back and said the love of his life 'Uvin'!this girl they had gone to school together and kind of grew up together!She seduced her and they grooved along!She went to a distant high school but she was all loyal.Then she joined some mission school of nursing and then after Tarmacking she got a job at a distant town!All this time she had maintained and Chris got a bang only once and when she moved into her own place in the new town he used to visit her but he used to drink alot and she would quarrel her all the time!She made frequent visits to where she went to college which were suspect and eventually it became known she had other dealings there!Chris got evidence but it was too late coz she had broken up the ties on the other end so Chris had no point to prove!But once she got monied she started ignoring him and he just gave up!So the moral of his story was that when a woman is desperate she is good but when she starts earning chumz you are on ignore button!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then Mwangi again kind of crowned the gossip, by narrating how he was once asked to buy a fridge from a woman she was seeing romantically and horizontally!He switched off from her and she dint understand why!Mwangi says he doesnt like women that like saying do me this or that all the time!He informed us that that was not the first demand he had had to deal with but was fed up with that one!So he ran out of the affair!His policy is either you are married or pulling a one night stunt and that is it!It was crowned by my experience on how i entered a certain pub and there was this girl who always read the novel or the bible in the office and not just anyother novel but shuch as Gifted Hands basically,the inspring books and i met her with some man my dads age!She was so mean that even taking her out for a basic lunch would amount to seduction and it was unwelcome!So she was on some hardware for the fools hardware means hard liquor !She was wet with sweat on her face and the glass almost fell off her hand!So to tease her i made sure she saw me and i smiled like a sheep with my teeth out and said hi!She looked like she hadn't seen the fool before but i had to make it known to my dad ooooooooops sorry the old guy there that we knew each other so i faked and said some other guy in the office was looking for her!The last time i checked the old guy dumped her from then on and she hated me like a cancer!But i confornted her and told her to open up to civilisation!

Apparently most young ladies are seeing old buddengs in town!I wonder how we will marry and make families coz i think no more virgins just some bed hoppers!Why cant women be like our mothers who were simple and straight forward!I have spoken about it here but i will have to revisit it sooner than later!So in a nutshell we had a nice chat over some drinks and Collo did the honors for a drink and it was all in a boys chat!We sipped and chickened out of the kadingy pub where we were hiding and headed home!And i thought i the fool was the only one who was seeing blueeeeeeeeees in the darting and dating spectrum!Oooh it reminds me of the classic by Michael Jackson ..........You are not alooooooooooone i am here with you ,Ooooooh Naananananana oooh you fool you are not aloneeeeeeee!Damn and i thot i would sing!Pooor fool !Bye guyzzzzzzzzz see yah later!Some boss is really into my small headd.......I am looking fo annaaa job and isn't that enough for an application and Cv!So dont tell me to send a Cv and an Application coz i think i have!

Food for thought!There are those men that sleep with women for monetary favours!Is it also proper to call them whores/harlots/ or is the relationship a sugar mummy - man relationship?Help me out then i will tell you of the foolish thoughts i have been entertaining in my small head!looooooool!

Nothing To Write About....................!

When i first heard of this word Oduor i thot it was the name of a man from a certain community around here but then came and got the meaning form my Ugandan Homescience teacher!She was teaching us about getting rid of bad oduors!So there is this lady neighbour that lost her keys and came to place and wanted assitance and she was lucky i was in my crib in good time !She really put me off you know why?She had this really pungent odour or is it smell of onions coming from her armpits!

I like to help people when i am in the position to!o this one i really like to help her!Trouble is i am the type that leaves my crib anything before eight and arrival is anything from eleven ocklock onwards so we never get to see eye to eye with most of my neighbours!What i really wanted to know is when herbirthday is on so i can buy her some cheap Gucci cologne someone was telling me about!Atleast it will be a gentle way of telling her she stinks!I still dont understand how a college going lady could stink like that,and again at around half past ten at night coz she ought to have had a shower or so i think!

Good grooming aside!I dont want my blog to turn into a tabloid of sorts so i am not ranting foolish about matters of the heart!Am still kind of screwed and do not really have much to say about anything and i guess i shall have to go and realx and think over nothing!I am just kind of dazed with thoughts of nothing!Its particulary bad when you are used to a normal life and then something comes and screws you up and something you dont really undertsand what it was about!We all make mistakes about this or that and as for me if i realise my folly i will always tell God am sorry and and seek his forgivesness but this time round i cant seem to know where or what is goin on!I can never also understand why an employer can feel jealous about his or her employee!Just sack him or her if it bothers him or her!Forget about that albeit this is also baffling me and i am yet to understand it!Anyway i will clear my shit somehow but i am almost giving up on it but Godforbid!

Bye guyz i dont have much for today and have a well groomed day today and for those that share the same quagmires like me just hangin there till it rains or lady luck smiles your way!
I am out!See yah laterzzzzzzzzzz.............!

Am Just Sad Guyzz!

Shame on you if you thought i had a string of girlfriends the lenght of the Panama peninsula!So if i happen to hook one i will let you know and yes it will be after we break off but the next one i will seriously make sure we dont break off after all i think am done being a boy coz boyz are the ones whom enjoy hooking in a chain like sort of manner!In the same breath i still havent found an answer into about what men expect from a relationship with a woman they are invloved!What i got from anaa acquitance was just a sulk which was full of undertones of male resentments!

And this is where we fail and this is not any other failure but i think some disasterous failure!Someone asks a question instead of answering it you just proceed on to start complaining!This particular one is a good one and she comes across as a well spoken person and knowledgeable just as the word goes but she put me at pains understanding why she decided to sulk and not answer the question but then again am also a fool beside my usual foolishness to expect a lady to answer that whilst the question came from a lady?Excuse my stupor for that!

Am upset with so many things!Firstly what is this Hezbolahh thingy that cause the world to stop!Those idiots should know that we have heard their point and what is left is for the world to address it!Just imagine how many beautiful women,children and men that died there?Do they know or have the slightest of ideas that i am single and i would have hooked a good woman from there and live ever happily after or is it enstranged after?Even men were there whom a lady would die to have!Then there is this lady friend who remembers me when she is broke or has a problem and if i cant sort it out she lambasts me with all the words she thinks i can stomach!One good thing with me even if a lady lambasts me i dont hit her back or shout back i simply keep quiet and smile like a sheep and coil ma balls to safety!But am not really drawn into her outbursts coz we booze together at times and we are used but she slightly overstepped and i guess our friendship is on the rocks and i will mute on her and i guess i will delete her number from my phone coz everything got limits!After all who is she to me? Just a friend my foot.............

Then when i turn my eyeballs to Asia ,i meet a Tsunami and then i meet censorship in INDIA!What do these Pandres think they are anyway!I was also foolish to imagine i would express myself anywhere in the world except China,Saudi Arabia,Ethiopia and Pakistan.Now am told those fools have directed ISPS there to block all sites that offer bloggers the chance to do so and i am perturbed alot about that,coz my drooling MP might move a similar legislation to have my blogspot blocked and i will be at a loss with my escapades!Anyway yote yataisha which means all will end!

Now i am confronted with a anaa problem here!There is this Chrome whom i will call Gekoyo for now but she has a better name than that anyway.She is i dont know wether to call it infatuation or just plain falling in love!She loves this Kabloke in our office and she has even gone ahead and seduced the Kabloke!They call each other and all this!So the problem is this kabloke feels she is too old and he aint willing to play ball to her!Now in the very office of ours there in anaa bloke who wants to date the same girl!

If you thot that was enough wait for this!In the very office of ours there is this Girl that came for Attachment that this kabloke that refused the unwelcome romantic advances of Gekoyo is dating!Two blokes diffrent intentions and hidden and unknown to either of them!I always cant help laughing off their quagmire which i just learnt of for like the two weeks i have been in the office fulltime!i normally go out given the nature of my abodes!So what is someone supposed to do in such an inuendo really?I dont know have your take especially where what my friend Andrew calls Horizontal intentions are involved!Maybe i may have in one way answered Wambu's question by that or maybe not!

I gotta go i have more problems at work and i am thinking of quiting and where to i dont know!My small business is kind of on the rocks and still have no idea where it is taking me and for that i am off for pint just to forget about the woes for the Night!Byeeeeeeeee and that doesnt mean you start sympathising with me to make me look foolish coz i already know am a fool!

Online With Kija................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Technology is something really amazing!Sometimes i look at it critically and it dawns on me that we Africans contribute largely to the advancement of technology either because of our ignorance or as guinea pigs!Before we realised our lives have really changed either for the good or bad!So many things take place in one single second of the minute of the hour of the day of the week of the month of the year and who knows over decades they have been!Just imagine if we dint have clothes what would have been the scenario?I hate to think about what you have just imagined!

Whilst you imagine about half nakedness am off thinking again about this Technology called Internet!It was developed largely by the American Military under some acronym called ARPANET if my small head still works well but i stand to be corrected.after all fools need to be corrected anyway!So as i was saying,it has evolved over time and we have got somefools working overtime or is it burning the midnight oil and comeup with wonderfulthings that have aided us in appreciating technology!Take a look for example this blonde fool called Bill Gates.He was just a dropout together with anaa one i cant remember now - after all am not under any obligation to -they developed something they thought and called software and then came windows and now he stinks with riches!Anyway somewhere along many others also sat and have given us wonderful pieces of software that we have come to enjoy anyway!

Again while that goes on there is this thing called IM or messengers!I swear the first time i saw yahoo messenger i thot it was a computer that you could send anywhere in the universe and it would deliver your shit there!But when i came to understand i shudder to tell anyone i had that experience!Looooool.Anyhow,we have come to integrate it into our lives so much so that we feel like a community even though we are seas apart!There are so many other chatrooms and guyz do hook ups with friends and relatives and life goes on.

That is not intresting,what is,is what goes on there!I have had stories of somepeople saying they are models,whilst they are selling tomatoes in wakulima market,somesay they are Air hostesses whilst in the actual sense they are revising to resit for their supplementary exams!Worse still there is this one that told me that is thro with college and running a private busines but on checking i was told she hawks flesh somewhere!My friend Andrew tells me there is Another one who talks comfortably like a business executive but she is a cashier in a local entertainment spot!My foot,why cant guyz just stick and be honest and loyal to their abodes!Its not your wish to be a cleaner or a bartender and if anything there must be someone to do that!If you are a fool like me just say you are a fool and life goes on!Well i dont dispute it that some hope to get lifetime patners from those rooms but honestly when the other guy finds out you screwed he or she will chicken out and you wouldn't believe what a spoof you might have done urself!Honestly people say despicable things in this chatrooms and the sooner we learn to say the truth and be honest the better it will be for us!

Speaking of which there was also Kija!Kija was the one i hooked from a notorius chatroom responsible for heartwrecking Kenyan Girls abroad!I got her from there while she was on a visit in Deustche land.Somehow we got our selves into this dreaded place called Pri,some call it Pvt and some call it private.We chat afew days and we got to know each fine and good thing there were no lies between us and as she and i confirmed later all we said to each other was the truth and the truth alone!Whilst she was there we really enjoyed our talk sessions and everything went on fine!Then she came back and we had to hook up!It was kind of distant but love was in the air and what would stop us.We met mid-way and had fun together and lots of recollection!

Damn she had a good looking son whom she brought along and i dont know why but this women with kids are the ones to watch!They are tripple scared about men,especially those that had been dumped by this crazy fools called men!I was asked by anaa good friend of mine what we men expect from a relationship and was lost for words.But if men would be like cows and bulls or Dogs then the world would be a tri-billion kids less!Coz those creatures only mate when its due,but men are like rats that mate at the convinience of darkness,who said there must be darkness anyway!But cows do it broaddaylight and only when and only if its due!So in a second i was saying i have been bestowed the chance to date women with kids and am saying i think they are not bad to date coz they wont screw around coz they have tested the waters of screwing around in everyother bed they come across so are less likely to hurt a man!

After all this we maintained contact in visits and through phonecalls and this reminds me my service provider still hasn't comeup with a feature to block some nagging beepers!There are guyz that irritate beeping and when you call back all they tell yah is that they were just saying hi!Okay i do beep but it has to be a really tight situation and its suprising that when this beepers have units they call other people but they will beep you instead!Oooh shiiit i forgot i was on Kija!So after sometime she pulled a shocker on me and jammed talking to me all of a sudden!It was approaching some valentine and had bought some goodie for her,-and it appears i am jinxed on valentines day and whoever thought of this day should recall it to his grave and sleep with it-to appreciate her but it still resides on my drawer in my crib!It was even inscribed with her names on it but i guess its all gone and useless now,when it will strike when we hooked up next year i will destroy it!So to date we still call each other but i dont understand what i did wrong but i remember she told me to go visit her one weekend and i declined coz i was busy!But sh'e have none of my excuse and from there on she said am stubborn just like anaa hardnut in Nairobi thinks i am and the last time i checked she is still single and i dont know am told her ex is on her ass!

Now you cant help but wonder what else women want but i guess its all fate that is doing men in!I still need to think on how to answer Wambu's question about what men expect in a relationship and i bet she wasn't convinced with my two answers ,but do you have any idea what men expect from a relationship..................... Mmmmmmmmh maybe you do,and if you do dont hesitate just tell this fool what you think,I would be glad to answer the question with your help!

Isn't that boring enough for a business Tuesday..................Am out my tummy needs watering!

Username With Wrong Password..........................!

Lol!Someone help me out!I need the cure for laughter if any guyz!I laugh alot and i guess it aint good!I broke one of my fore canines or are they incisors?I dont know but if i remember i will correct that!So i meant to say,i think showing a gap in the name of laughing aint really good or is it!I have reservations but i tend to laugh alot but just when i can,some call it giggling but i thot giggling is for clowns lol!Again i use lots shift & 1 on my keyboard!For the volkswagen beetles shift & mean i use alots of exclamation marks!Damn i have used it again and i guess we shall have to make do with it after all!In western Kenya meanwhile someman ran from his home coz he is being manbattered!Oh my Good Lord how things change so fast!Women on top finally,i wont be suprised when i will hear of a chrome summoning me to go n' f******** me!I swear i will enjoy it!This guy am told from the silver screen -again for volkswagens silver screen or is it grey is the TV- that he ran to his Uncle and found a new love who is already too willing to marry him!How fast can dicks rise honestly !Never mind just like the tribe i subscribe from they are world class sirers and badly so in or during the rainy season!

That aside, i have so many emails that are connected to my main one in that when you send me mail to any of my addresses i can always recieve your mail from a single address!Great even though am a fool i try to be technologicaly savvy!I am excited that yahoo and msn are joining hand so i can chat with all of my contacts from one service provider!Great uh?Fools get excited about about small things or are they mediocre things!Back to emails,i think its one of the best things that had to get into technology and it really saved us the hassle of waiting for weeks for a single sentence letter from Abroad !However,you need a password and a user name!speaking of which you need authority or grounds to access something even if its your pant you must be convinced that you really need your pant then you can have it!Seriously you have to have something substantive or imperative to pass for authority!

This gives me memories of the song bah bah black sheep that i am told has been re written by some nursery school in the UK!I cant remember what they turned it into coz it was just hogwash!How do you re-invent the wheel in this day and age!Mmmmmh sounds irrelevant!There was this Fool whom i will call Sined for now!Sined had a cousin called Hezron!
So Sined used to see this Girl whom i still dont know her Christian name and for the purpose of the story i will call her Username!So Sined was seeing this Username for sex and a couple of times she always insisted that she was safe for sex in that she wouldn't concieve that is!

You see Sined was out of college and was bored with no honey on him and there was the Username horny like a young bull!Reminds me of billies and bulls!Those animals got no respect,a cow gives birth to a calve which happens to be a bull or a goat gives birth to a he goat and when the young ones grow up they mate with their mothers!For once nature has failed us there!Anyway,after few months Sined goes to the city for more studies and Hezron takes over the Username!Before Username gets to know it she is paged whom, with it aint been known yet!She goes on gives birth and now starts to drool on whom to pin!According to her lousy thinking she settles for Sined!Poor Sined is now independently doin is thing elsewhere and Sined's dad acts funny and falls for the Username side of the story!Sined gets upset severes ties to his Dad and gets a life!Sined's mum is opposed to the idea of bearing responsibilty for Usernames kid!

The funny part is that,Username imagines that Sined have wealth at their place so she could cash in on that!Talk of that and Jamie's 'Gold Digger comes to mind'!Sined's brother calls him and tells him to go back home and sort out the mess with username!Sined ignores and sooner than later Sined's dad accepts that Username moves into Sined's place and plans for dowry get underway!Sined gets upset travels up country and Literaly have Username evicted from home and its precincts!Apparently she forgot her password and was using the Admin's (read Sined's Dad) password !How funny i would have loved if Sined's Dad got fired for that grave IT offence!Meanwhile Sined's mum tells Username to get a life and go for a DNA test!Bad thing is where i am at a DNA test costs a fortune so it aint something you will rush for!There is another Hitch,Hezron is in Jail so the whole thing is a bloody quagmire!So Sined takes the day while the passwordless Username wallows in Miasma or is it drooling!

In a nutshell Username was trying to hack into somehome but dint wipe her footprints and she got caught browsing the host computers files!Too bad!Sined's dad is a bit old at 72 thinking straight might be a problem i think and i would excuse him for now!The Woman of the day was Sined's mother,no wonder Sined loves her so much he would do Anything with her and the last time i checked Sined wants to go and visit her!I am told he is shopping for a nice dress for her and a pair of shoes for her 62nd birthday!Problem is Sined is dissapointed she got Blood pressure but she is an enduring mother of Sined!For Hezron he is out and keeps Laughing at Sined for bearing the burden whose owner is undetermined yet!Sined is kool now!

So for those who think like a ferrari you know who Sined is and you thot you had drama in your life............................!Its Friday off for some Pint!

To Revenge Or Not...................................!

Oh yes i was in the city the other day!And yes its been a week or two that has seen me criss cross Kenya like i was seeking votes for presidency riftvalley and Nairobi in particular!Its also a fact that i have been following the mess in Somalia!Me thinks the sooner those guyz agree the better for us all!I mean you just cant go wasting lives in the name of nothing!Coz i dont really understand why those guyz are fighting anyway!You chase some few kids with kids then start shouting about territory mmmmhhhhh my toe nail!Lots of gibberish going on there but what stikes me is the Sharia law there!Am also told that if you steal someones' chicken you get your hands chopped off!If you waste a life by the gun the same medium is used on yah!I was imagining during one of my idle sessions if someone took your girlfriend- let alone wife coz that could be adultery and you could die by stoning - could you also be allowed to take hers too and what if she daent have one coz you will be taking your girl back anyway!Lol life is a road!I wonder where it leads us.

Elsewhere i have been recieving some comments which i have no name for right now and besides am poor at my choice of words!You guyz think am cooking up storiez,but be foretold that these are real storoz not another Tom N' Jerry thingy!Secondly there is a trend that is emerging from guyz that i think money is everything in a relationship!Well what do you think,who needs to shag or lay a broke ass honestly!Apparently however much we deny it, its what our chromeskis use to gauge us!No romance without finance,when Gwen Guthrie sang that song she knew what she was talking about she wasn't pulling off her bluff!So for those few misguided (read well to do) chromeskis that keep saying colour aint everything ,come on over i show you what it means to date with colour and what it is to do so bila colour or when colour is kalassed!Damn because this blog is International i wanted to avoid slang but its our life!

Ok we cant say all women like colour but it so happens the broke chromeskis are apparently the one you meet and start dating instantly,this brings me to another chromeski who thinks i fall in love hivi hivi simply put i fall in love like a cockrel or anyhowly or is it in a lackadaiskal manner!I am not sure i spelt lackadaiskal well but who cares!All am saying is if you are single n looking n you find this goodlooking woman i mean you just walk up to her and tell her what you think coz how will she know your heart melted or shot to 100 beats without you telling her!Well, talk of knowing your victim before commitment but atleast a feasibility study is inevitable but you cant do it from your armchair!We were told in college of armchair research whereby you just sit from your office or study room and do research but oops women it cant work that way!One thing that make women beat us hands down is that even if she is a serialist in relationship and breakups you wont know!She'll come nice looking and innocent and you shall have fallen without knowing,and thereafter you just start loosing weight if you were lucky enough not to have had a heart attack!Am organising a conference for discussing matters of the heart am yet to confirm the date, registration is free!Lol

I got carried away with your reactions but will get back there but not untill i tell yah about Evelyn!Guyz you see i got this look which guyz like to misuse !Some say i look too serious some look at me and see the real fool!But all my life i was thought with ma dad not to let people predict you or let people take you foregranted!So when guyz mess with me i use ma face to ma advantage!I put on the mask and laugh sheepishly then go back to the drawing board.So Remember Duke snatched ma Chrome and i kept ma kool about it!So then came this girl Evelyn whom chemistry had no choice but grant me her!She was a pretty good looking little thing,so nice the skin colour was the one that i like she had everything you could want save for the fact that she was kinda short but being who i am such things are not on ma feature list as a knock off point in a woman!She was in form three or there about and and i was i think fourth!One thing that really dogs me is that once am out of a relationship i rarely jump into another coz after all it aint a must you be in one anyway or is it!There is no law that requires to have a girlfriend so am not always in a hurry!

Eva as i liked to call her,was charming and liked to laugh and so i would deliberately upset her and then go on to make her laugh!I have this weakness of liking to laugh and would do anything to make sure whomever am with laughs his or her ass out,no wonder another fool Ssalli calls me giggles i wonder where she got the idea!Anyway Eva replaced the Joy i used to get from Mariah ,when it came to letters she did them perfectly and i reciprocated equally well!We had this fun!Her place was far from ours and since on such missions taking a heap from home it would arouse suspicion so i prefered to walk to her place!For the tortoise paced readers a heap is actually a car!Love can take you over hills and valleys you know lool....................Unlike this fool i had dated before she could afford chocolate or some biscuits !Our again was a secretive thing and we kept it that way!

But wait................. ooh please wait!I dint tell yah how i hooked her up!From where i come from that is upcountry,from the main road to our digs is such a distance like eight kilometres and theirs is a further five which makes it thirteen!So As i had come out for Holidays first term my mum sent me to the centre for some poultry feeds and so naturally i had the heap!Again where i come from you have to say or send word of your arrival in advance so the driver or whoever could come and pick yah!So her she dint communicate to her home in advance and so she had to trek!Just as she had come off her bus i caught up with her as i had met her with Duke and so we knew each other!I offered here a lift and typical of Kisiis she hoped in and i actually drove her up to her home and of course am not that foolish i had to drive slowly to buy airtime with her you know ......................for java users you know what this means //6! or //2//2!So we exchanged numbers of course landlines,school adresses and she appreciated that i had gone the extra distance to drop her at their place!She called the following day after she'd taken off Uniform ,coz it makes you look shady when you are actually a fine thingy or vice versa!Before she noticed we had hit the road and i made it known to every nook and cranny that she was my girl after Duke started hullabalooing about me having snatched his girlfriend !Fools forget so fast coz me when he hit me below the belt i kept mum but he was the fastest in going on Air!I cut all the secrecy and went public and soon as holz began i was grooving ma girl the Richie Spice way and i was the talk of town and well she too dint care long as we had fun!Some one say Amen!

I know you are dying to see the line where i say we had sex or something like that but ooops we dint have sex,but she thought me how to be romantic!We had promised each other after until she finishes her fourth form then we could play!But somehow i felt like i had to move on so we maintained contact but i wasn't all that psyched up for her after all i had led every tom dick n harry to believe i had screwed her so nothing really much to loose!Duke got upset but he had to have his with the usual pinch of salt the same one he gave me!So even if he could crawl on eitght miles of needles he couldn't re write the village gossip it was done!So the sooner he learnt to accept that the better but i remember to go sit on a pin if he had issues with me!To date me n Eva are good friends although the last time i checked some fools from around my home area had caught up with her and had shown her the city and were now taking her into every other new club in town and infact the other day she had an accident after a drinking spree went awry!The sooner she learns to choose her merry makers wisely she will stay on to see the fool another day!I had her phone number untill recently but lost it when i lost ma phone but it daent matter coz her feelingz i bet are directed elsewhere but for we are still ok if ever i wanted to rikindle the fire btn us i would but her company is wanting and this relative or homesake thing is not my style!I mean if you meet upcountry should it extend to the city really!Me thinks one needs space for new friends!We will meet at home otherwise its supposed to be hi hi and its done and relas what for?After all we are all related anyway!You find a bunch or relas messing you up till you feel like dying!

That was just between me n Eva or is it Evelynnnnnnnnnnn!Lol i will look for her number and buzz her up n see how she is doin,damn she was wonderful,she was gorgeous and oh ys she was bright i wonder wether this kisii's gave lots of dough and now its what is mixing her up!Loooooooolllllllllllllll this is one of my most mixed up writings but si you got the message tena unataka nini ingine?Ammm outtttttta here for now!

Jeans This Clothe jeans..........................!

So worldcup is over atleast we wont have to shuttle between schedules to watch games!This football madness has gotten me shuttling between schedules to watch some games and i missed some guyz they went ot cheer their fav teams here or there!And like i said here before the scandal ridden Italians might lift the trophy and indeed they lifted it!I dont fancy games that get to penalty shootouts!I want a clean won game!Coz to me penalities are like playing lotto!I bought some pair of jeans coz i was mourning the loss of my favourite team in worldcup!Where as i bought the jeans to celebrate my loss ,someone paid his loss with his life!I felt like hitting the roof when this story never got international headlines!This poor lad died after being attacked by France fans in the match between France and Brazil!Anyway we lost that day but i went on and bought A pair of jeans to celebrate the loss and i am yet to buy another to celebrate France's loss coz damn i really wanted them out!For those who supported france coz it has blacks shame on you!Foot ball is just entertainment and if you take it too seriously then you are village!

I like jeans and besides liking it it also amazes me with the wonders it can do!This Girl Anne came in from Shagz and her dressing was wanting!Soon she took afew hot baths and her sister got her some jeans and hipsters!She dint appear striking in Hipsters but jeans she cameout stunning!I dont know but methinks this clothe got some magic!You are an horror in dressing but just get a wrangler or a Lee and you are looking all fabulous!This jeans reminds me of One Leah!She was the chrome i met recently at some hangout joint!She worked in some really cool hotel when i first met her!It is a four star and she was a waitress and my policy is enjoy life while you can and there is no Loss in anything you eat to your mouth!So once in a while when i have money i check what this tourist are offered!Its funny when a guy comes all the way to enjoy what you as a native cant taste!So the trick is once in a life time enjoy life,go to hilton,intercon or even safaripark!So where i am at there is this tourist thingy that i frequent when i have sufficient funds and this is where i met this Leah Woman!

I dont know but she just struck me coz she was all natural and had this African look as in no makeup or anything but she is just as stunning!After some few passes she fell just as i had fallen!So we hit the road in pursuit of love!This thing is on one of the lakes here and its some distance from town and you have to make some sort of journey there!She used to come over to town where her home was and we could hook up for sometime out!She also had time she could come over at my former employers office where we could just have a lengthy talk!She had a kid and this doesn;t matter to me coz its all about what i feel about her not wether or not she had or has a kid!So i could inquire about the kid too and we generally had a nice time dating!

Then she was transferred to a sister resort to the one she was working for!It was opening and they needed experienced staff to open it up!So i was excited coz i now could see her often!But this as i was later to learn was a major blow to me!She became too available the one that puts you off!When someone is all over you sometimes it feels awful!I also switched jobs and so it meant we had to make other arrangements!Her demands kept growing!I used to take her for swimming on sunday afternoons and maybe some afternoon out on saturday and occassionally would suprise her with presents and according to me i did what i could in my means given my low wages!

One day she pulled a shocker on me!She told me she was in some sort of fix and needed assitance!I had the previous day told her i was in a fix after one of my clients screwed up and i was in a shambles with ma suppliers and she was very much in the pic about my woes!She came to me for help with money!I told her what my woes were and she refused to buy my woes and said i had refused to help her out!She then left in a huff and beeped me!When i called back she told me of a nice jeans she had seen and wanted me to hook her up with some cash for it!I laughed into the phone and hung up!That was the end of me n her !Coz this was madness or so i thot!I have since met her twice just saying hi and promising to call her later whcih i never do anyway!I met her the o ther day and she is since jobless and can help but wonder what she does!This one too suprisingly dint attempt to follow up what went wrong though am told she was devastated by our breakup and she just jad to get used to be without me!I cant explain what put me apart from her but i had no choice!If she couldnt understand me what business did i have to do with her honestly?

So thats just yet another that slipped me!But oooh i really liked her but as they say the truth is out there......................................!

There Was also this One ......................mmmmmmh!

Atchiooooooo! Never mind it’s just a sneeze! Wonder why some ladies still have difficulties choosing the cologne they wear! This Somalis have to look for some new stuff to hawk on our streets! They are all strewn all over here selling everything from some funny sticky gel which am told is called Hina or something that changes nails to look like a chicken that was burrowing the earth for some earthworms to some really tough or is it pungent smelling colognes or is it perfumes? One thing our chromeskis here forget is that those perfumes are meant only for the Somalis coz they are averse to taking a regular shower or differently put having a shower for them is not anywhere on their priority list! I once fell being the fool I have always been bought one of this perfumes in college and we were doing groups one afternoon and I thought it would smell the rest out of the crowd! I mean I was feeling like I was the only one putting on the best cologne for the afternoon when everyone suddenly started sneezing and they all looked at me with a look like what does he think he is on?

I had to excuse myself and go back to my place and sleep away the humiliation! This reminds me of the one which though in different quarters that I underwent in sometime 2000!This was one of my worst! Back or long before that, I had as was normal went out on Saturday for lunch! What always used to happen is because during school holidays or college breaks I used to travel upcountry! Our Shagz is in such a place where the town is kind of far away but we have this zero star hotels that are frequented by who is who in the neighbourhood!So every Saturday or even Sunday nut most Saturday I went there for lunch wether accompanied or not and during those days if you knew how to play pool then you were the in guy! So I could go there order my lunch over some beers and play the in game! It so happened on this material day that my cousin Tom had his wife in the house for Lunch. His wife had in her company her best friend! So I joined them and they told me they were going to town which is about 40 mins drive form where we were for a night out !I obliged and offered to join them later in the drive!

So Sarah was in the company of a good looking babe whom I learnt was called Edna! So after having had enough of the game I joined them! I was introduced and we started the very innocent chat and went on to booze just in wait for time for us to drive to town for the hangout! I dint have a car on me so I was gate crashing into their ride which was free of course never mind fools like free things! Then I did something foolish which still happens to date, you will be amazed how many fools are all around the world! Come to think of it we men are the lousiest thinkers on Earth! How do you just meet a lady and the go all the way and imagine she is not hitched or hooked then start darting her! Then go on to Brag she is in love with you! In love my balls!!!!!!!!So there I was and as we proceeded in our chat and suddenly started throwing my darts into her heart, little did I know some were falling off whilst I thought they were actually clung there on her heart! Anyway foolish me we drove to the club and then had fun drove back Tom dropped me and that was that although I managed to secure a date with Edna for the coming Saturday!

My dad in the very week sent me on a long working trip that involved me being away for almost the whole week coming back the next one! I remember if my memory serves me right during that year valentines day was on a weekday either a Monday or a Tuesday! So I came back the very day Valentine was being marked! So since I wanted to cement my darts on Edna I bought some funny perfume which was going for about $40 something like Kshs 2000 which was a lot of money then in my view according to the money market then! So I quickly went home and delivered my report to Dad and he gave a well done son hand shake plus what I had saved all along so I was fit to take Edna out for the Valentine night out! Things were moving so fast for a fool! So my Brother George had the ride that would befit the occasion! Being upcountry, dating a girl and you are a gizmo lol a bima and you are a bloody fool was the coolest thing for you to ever have to do! So I borrowed it and of course not without a bribe and fuelling it yourself! I made sure I hit Edna’s place by around 7 o’clock so I wouldn’t have chaos driving at night! Then she pulled a stunt on me! She actually connived with her friend so I take all of them out as opposed to what I thought coz Titus my buddy her and I were going out! Titus wasn’t hooked up then. She actually brought some sluttish friend of hers called Martha! I swallowed my pride and drove in some record time to town and soon we went for dinner and here again the unwelcome Martha ordered some food that reminds me of some song here called ‘’chonga viazi’’!Have you ever been scared of some orders people take in Hotels! I cant even remember what it was but it hit me Kshs 400 and of course I dint mind what Edna took after all love begins with impressions or so I thot and still do entertain that idea somewhat! Soon we were done we hit the road to the club! I paid the exorbitant damages I mean entrance charges for the slow ducks! And soon the drinks started flowing! I hoped here we could relax with Edna so I tell her how much cows, cats and dogs my dad would offer for dowry and how I would take her to London on our honeymoon and for some kidogo shopping!Mmmmmmmmmhhhhh I was stupid!

Never mind the drinks were flowing and the girls were drooling tipsy! Since I was driving back and besides I had a mission to accomplish i.e. get into Edna’s heart I wouldn’t step into the gourd!Lol speaking of gourd when did you hear that word last , oh my God words we only meet in reading and not in writing! Forget about. So I restrained myself into drinking much. Edna was there clad in the traditional Red dress which I think if you still put it on ,on this day you are just as village as my grandfather back home! She was dancing well anyone would want to dance with her! Apparently everyone in the club seemed to know her something I dint give much thought for coz if you asked like all ladies say,she;d say its her cousin’s cousin and the list goes on and so I spared myself the pain. Edna came calling for drinks and she lost the decency of the day and was now on party mode, talk of shaggy’s wild tonite!She got wild and wherever I sought her attention she ran to Titus my friend!This sent shivers down my spine, apparently something was not adding up right hereafter seeing her getting cossy with Titus I felt like dying, I reached for the bills and cleared them coz I dint want her friend and her harassed. Never mind I had already presented the two thousand plus worth of cologne before !I had parked in such a way getting out of the car wouldn’t be a problem coz I was familiar with what happens in car parks during such events! I swiftly drove off home all alone getting home around four in the morning and with anything to show or nothing to my credit! Soon morning came and my bro came and inspected his car and found everything in place coz he was worried I would bang it! Then he came to my crib to inquire how my date went and when I told him what had happened he laughed aloud and told me I was just beginning and told me to remember big brother Felix’s words about good looking women. Actually he himself had warned me about Edna and again I ignored!

The worst was still to come when one of my buddies who had seen me at the club called home remember then there were no mobiles !So he asked the mboch to put me online so we could talk.When I came on line he told me on the face not to fall for the girl as the same girl had been all scandals in the same club where we were and I should distance myself from and when I told him what had happened to me with her he also laughed and asked me wether I needed any further explanation and out of the irritation I hung up the call!It later emerged that Edna went on to sleep with Titus and I couldn’t blame him but he also got worried sick when word passed out that Edna was living on a split personality!Where as she used to work or do formal work she was kind of a harlot and so guyz were avoiding her!Its only us that were naïve and we always wonder what business we had chasing a woman all grown up and working!

So the fool me beat a retreat and the last time I checked in 2001 I was told she moved to the capital city ‘Nairobi’ and was doing some menial jobs there and was sending messages home for me to reach her on a cell phone apparently she had acquired one and since she knew I was also in the city so she would ride on ma ass while taking off with ma buddies and sleeping in every other bed in town! I felt I couldn’t repeat a mistake in spite of her numerous pleas.Someone went and gave her my cell number and soon as I learnt it was her calling me even at 3 o’clock in the morning I changed to a new number and forgot about her! Some one say Hallelujah!

Mariah.....................................mmmmmmhhhhh !

Yesterday again I bumped into my friend John again and it was in some familiar corners and being a Monday we took it slow and coz it’s been long since we were together given the nature of his calling!So I was also accompanied with my friend Gibby and though he doesn’t like watering his gills we all had a nice time till late into the morning and given our tolerance to the heinously priced stuff we still manage to be in our calls by exactly eight oclock!Sometimes I don’t imagine it in real life but it actually happens!But funny we sometimes look some dead men walking and at times like some wreckages in a deadly accident! What I hate most is when everybody else in the office looks at you like he is a badboy and he needs prayers ,my foot as if you bought what I was taking!

Elsewhere John couldn’t help gaping at how good the sluts and harlots have become more than the normal girls!He came along with stories of how he is been dating and all that he has been undergoin in the hands of calculators!I couldn’t help laugh all the way – something I usually like to do always!Well he stood his ground that its better off not to date at all a stand we did share!Funny how bachelors can connive to deny the girls fun!But girls don’t want fun all they want is colour!No colour no romance!

We move from my fulltime hangouts back to Mariah! She was the goddess I first dated soon after my primary school studies! It just happened we fell in love, reminds me of the movie ‘fools rush’ in! I was a damn fool and no wonder my brother used to tell me not to go for women who their beauty shouts aloud! He used to encourage me to go for beauty in within and not beauty outside and I used to counter him by asking what if the beauty within (brains) was used against me in one way or the other? He told me I had to be cautious for the situation not to get to that! So we agreed and when he learnt of me and Mariah dating he got upset but I told him it was my first dating and that we had started dating long before our conversation! He bought my trick and we kept on dating!

We had a fairly good start! Reminds me of so many good things that make me feel as if I should reverse my age, I wonder whether there is any more such fun! Can you remember the letters we used to write to each other! Foolscap could be sprayed with some cologne and then you hit the paper with the best of your handwriting, then the post man could be your youngest brother! Poor me I am the lastborn and I had to pay for the deliveries! Mariah had smaller bros who were happy to do the deliveries coz they knew there was a kickback always for every delivery just to bribe no to tell her mum and it was a serious mistake if mum knew your dating back then! Good thing about my Girlfriend number one – for the slow ones I mean my mum- is that she always lets me do what gives me fun but cautions me about being careful!

In a nutshell we had the fun of our dating! I was still in form one but knew so much like taking a girl for lunch on Saturday! Talk of big brother influence! So much so till things started going haywire! My friend Duke with whom we did all boys can do, like hanging out at the club while still young! We did investments together forget about us being young coz we always ploughed back our pocket money into regenerating activities! So we were actually tight as buddies! Duke pulled a first one on me! Mariah had this killer look and bounce so everyone literally wanted her attention and we were so secretive that very few people knew we were dating and soon it was known! Even Duke my closest of buddies never knew of my dating and he had always asked me about her but whenever that topic arose I was either negotiating a corner if we were driving somewhere, or if we were seated I would dash for the loo or if we were walking I would pretend to be tying my shoe laces! Somehow he got wind of the same and went straight to one of Mariah’s brothers and entertained him or would I say he bribed him……..mmmmmmmhhhhhh then they connived with him and dethroned me!Suddenly Mariah changed our schedule!Although I learnt of this later they moved along and what happened almost made me hit the roof!I mean how can girls get this cheap!Duke I remember spent a lot of monies entertaining Mariah and her bros .so much so that even some of our projects were ruined!I got bitter and asked where the monies earmarked for this or that had gone but he told me he had lent someone for a intrest!I started getting worried sick!So Duke took Mariah to bed with him!All this time we had been With Mariah sex hadn’t crossed ma mind given we were only Fifteen at the time and this diet motivated wild sexual desires hadn’t set in!Where Duke got his,is a thing I still or am yet to decipher!Lucky enough one of her brothers who was allied to me gave me the whole story!

I felt like the ground would open so I go under!But ooops I still had to deal with her lies!Good thing with me I wouldn’t waste my time going to case with a woman with what may appear as being romours!So I took the humiliation with a pinch of salt!I severed links and she noticed that I had pulled back and never wanted anything that had to do with her or that bore her name!She wrote numerous letters trying to ask what was going or becoming of me but I just read and burnt them over as opposed to keeping like I or we used to do before!So much so the situation Got bad and Duke dint speak about it and I wouldn’t ask him about it coz I had denied ever having to groove with Mariah!So we were kind of at par,courageous fools in action you’d say!I slowly withdrew and kept to myself!I soon finished my studies with numerous mail from Mariah both at school and at home!Someone tell me why women behave cheap only to come regret about it later and feeling sorry like angels!Why do you humiliate someone and then go back following with lots of stories later!My ass I am sorry!I am not telling you that I gave back Duke the same suffering almost later!Thats a story for another day!Sweet revenge I’d say!

After highschool I moved from the upcountry and went to Nairobi for studies lol ‘polythechnic’ and I soon learnt she proceeded to India ,where I sighed with relief and I bet in India fake or is it counterfeits like her are a welcome thing there!She hasn’t spoke to me even though someone sneaked her my email address which I have since ignored to use and I think about her the case is concluded and the judgement given!I you were foolish like me what would you have done uuh?

Really embarrassing but since am a fool I have to take such stuff with a pinch of salt!Lol!So there you go you know what tribulations the fools suffer and I guess Felix my brother was right!Atleast he was!

Gibberish...........................!!!!!!!

Forget about Wayne Rooney,forget Ronaldo and Forget about Ronaldinho and all the nininoooos!As for me and my House worldcup is all over!I mean all my Fabulous teams are out!I find all the noise about worldcup useless!Yesterday i presented myself to where people go to to watch football!This competition has in particalar baffled me and or made some guys baffle me!

Ever wonder how magical guyz get when it comes to football analysis!I admire and like women football fans coz their intention in football is only too simple!They enjoy watching the looks of Thiery Henry and crew and plus they shop for the best tighs that there maybe am yet to know what else they enjoy apart from the occassional yell they give whenever a team they purport to support scores!Them aside there are these beasts that we call men!They will certainly turn into super analysts overnight and give you mindboggling statistics!I take issue with these boys that sell secondhand clothes at the street across the Pub!Their analysis is secondhand,their thinking also secondhand and everything about them is secondhand!

Personally i like fotball!But i dont take it seriously so as to kill someone or to make me die or loose sleep about it!But we guyz sem to take it too far!I dont foresee a situation whereby God will pardon Germans or The french coz they won the worldcup!Come to think of it The portuguesse might take the day when we talk of finals and ooooh who knows the scandal ridden Italians might as well lift the cup!So dont take it seriously!

So i will focus my attention elsewhere and begin this week i will serialise my trials and tribulations when i used to date!My friend Wambui asked me to make'em public so as to gain and or share with the rest of my or is it our Reading community!I dont want reactions into my mailbox but post the comments directly here and let alone my mailbox!LooooooooolI will keep them brief!But i will not limit any details about my dating life so i expect no questions but hope you enjoy them and hey this is one of my worst articles byeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Courageous Fools..................................

I have been pretending to use some vocabularies here and God knows my level of Engilsh!Almost reminds me of the long stupid and infact mediocre essays we were forced to compose to entertain our Grammar teachers!However much you tried to be creative nothing came forth coz even then amazingly it contributed to your final grade in Engilsh and so much so that if you dint do well in the essays your grade was on the rocks!So you always had to force a smile towards your Engilsh teacher so he could rig your essays through!The girls could sail easily when the teacher was male given their lusty leanings!

Forget about those essays,i was yelling about courage!I used to and still ponder about how monumental my foolishness could get until the other day i met some courageous fools!When it gets to the point that you are a fool and still have courage then the president should appoint a commission of enquiry to have you studied up for Authors to write about your phenomenal thinking!

Someone help me out here!But before help someone say amen!Good!I really dont understand what Kenya is coming to?No wonder our National team cant qualify even for worldcup!I mean why cant someguyz match up to what their carriers dictate they be!Nothing personal here but i have reservations about peeps that get out of Polytechnics!Polytechnics are instituions of learning around here but which to me mean something else ,no doubt there was a call sometime to have them abolished and converted into full fledgling universities!Why do i say that!To me or my little chemistry - i wonder why they forced us to learn about chemicals while they knew we never intended to do chemicals anywhere in our lives or music while we never wanted to be seanpaul or is it Neyo?whatever, in our later lives- anyway my little chemistry tells me (Poly) means plastic!So when you subsitute poly with plastic you come up with plastictechnic which is how i rate peeps from polytechnics!They think plastic,see plastic,feed plastic,love plastic and even date plastic!


There is this character who recently cleared from chuo kikuu and went on to Law school which is a prerequisite for you to practise in Kenya,and came to town to practise !Being a bachelor he still doesnt seem to shade the company of the boys of the hood the type that would give anything to attend a Britney spear concert at the canivore in Nairobi!He shudders at the thought of purging some lousy company of small boys!I thot we are supposed to move on and purge excess baggage and leave room for some!Lol reminds me of an advert that still runs for SONY where some guyz juggle some old black n white silver screen - for the slow ones the silver screen is your old 1847 Tv set -mmmmmmmmmmhhhhhhh wher was i? Oh yes so this guy walks around with some shady characters all moving in lines like the mamaly glands of a female dog!And wait i have not said he is from plastictechnic but cant hide my likening him to that either coz of his silly actions n thinking!

But wait he is not the courageous fool here after all he went up to University cleared and he is now practising!The fools here are some girls who in my view are supposed to be resitting their final high school papers given their dismal perfomance in the same last year!I paid my friend Simon a visit who lives in the same block as the Lawyer Pap!I found some three Girls barely out of their teenage all fists over this guy!I stood there wondering wether they had an idea i was single n looking and i said God forbid coz it goes without say they are fools and still got courage!Damnnnnnnn i saw a free cinema that Got me imagining seeing Cameron Diaz in action n oh speaking of Cameron did she think she would follow Justin Mbaolake everywhere he went and expect they go on dating!Another white blonde fool i bet!Lol!

Damn i forgot about this fools anyway !They fought and threw insults at each other but none of them got the attention of the Lawyer pap!He got into his crib and shut the door pwaaaaaap!They all lost but they just lost then,however finally they might all loose in the longrun,coz i believe this guy will summon each of them one after the other and tell each of them separately that he doesnt date them that they are just infatuated with him!Ooooh infatuation my foot,what ever became of platonic friendship?And oh they are gonna believe him anyway!This is classical i'd say coz you just become a fool and then go on add courage then become a courageous fool!mmmmmhhhhhhhhh!I will tell you what became of them sometime!Meanwhile i hope those girls go back to school and quick!besides this guy should while in court bickering for his clients let him date his female colleagues and stop chasing some young girls in the village!